Chapter 125 - No Judgment
Chapter 125 – No Judgment
ELRETH
"Mom," Elreth said quietly, squeezing her hand. "What's going on?"
Her mother shook her head, then dropped her face into her hands. "Don't ever let anything or anyone else step between you and Aaryn, okay? Even if you're angry, even if you're hurt, never stop telling him that you love him. Never stop offering to touch. I'm going to give this advice to Aaryn too. And believe me, I know it's hard. When you're angry or hurt, you want the other person to hurt too, but… it's not worth it, El. When you're True Mates, you're a part of each other. Don't let anything step in the way of that. Nothing is else worth more than that person. There's no piece of information that won't get worse by them finding out you've hidden it. I promise. Even the stuff you think you're doing for their own good. Don't… just don't break that trust, okay?"
"I won't, Mom," Elreth said, relieved because she and Aaryn were already bringing everything out into the open. She was having a hard time believing her mother had hidden this for so long. She understood why her dad was hurt. She'd been angry with Aaryn about hiding his Alpha status with the disformed—she still was at times, when she thought about it. But they were getting through, and he was telling her everything now. It was what—she thought—she'd seen her parents do all along.
So why had her mother betrayed that?
"I gotta be honest with you, Mom… this doesn't seem like something worth hiding for all that time. I mean, I was mad when Aaryn told me, but we got past it. And now he's filled me in. I get Dad's mad about being kept out of the loop—he was King! But… I don't know, it just seems like you're both better than this."
"Oh, El," her mother breathed. "Be very, very careful. This is all still so new for you. You are going to face some of the greatest joys and worst hurts with your mate. But that's going to take years. Don't tell yourself you've got it all figured out now."
"I don't!"
Her mother gave her a look. "Just… trust me… keep reminding yourself to be open and honest, even when it's scary. Even when it might cause conflict. Okay?"
"Sure. Of course. Easy."
Her mother rolled her eyes. "You are so like your father sometimes it's frightening."
Elreth snorted. "You're not the first person to tell me that, today."
"Creator, help us," her mother muttered. Elreth didn't know whether to laugh or be offended. "But that's enough about me," her mother said, wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath. "Tell me about you and what's going on. Do you have any… questions about… all of this. With you and Aaryn, I mean."
Elreth tipped her head and thought it through. "Not really. Except… there's one thing that's been bugging me: Before he told me how he felt, before I woke up, when I was thinking about mating someone just to get it out of the way, Aaryn said something about males being selfish. I was just… I mean, what does that even mean?"
Her mother's smile was tight and watery. "The fact that you don't already know just blesses my heart," she said softly.
"Mom! Don't cry! I'm trying to lighten the mood here. I'm just curious."
Her mother laughed and nodded. "I know. I know. I just… it makes me truly happy to know that Aaryn is treating you with such consideration."
"How do you even know that?"
"Because, Elreth, if he wasn't, you wouldn't have to ask me that question."
Elreth sat back in her chair. "Oh. Right. Okay. Well, I mean, I guess he isn't then. But… what would that look like if he was?"
Her mother took a deep breath. "Understand that I don't have experience with this either. Your father has always been an incredibly thoughtful and generous lover." Her face crumpled for a second and Elreth panicked, thinking her mom might breat down completely, but she shook it off and got herself together. "So, I can only tell you what my friends have told me in my earlier years, and sometimes… sometimes more recently. But… basically it's when you're… engaging with someone who's really only interested in their own pleasure. They don't think about yours, or care if you're okay. They just get what they want. And I'm so, so glad you haven't experienced that."
Elreth thought about it for a second. "No, I haven't," she said and her chest warmed. Her Mate was wonderful. But she'd already known that about him. He'd spent their whole lives treating her like she was important and special. "He's always looked out for me," she said with a reluctant smile. "I guess it just seemed natural that he'd do that with this too."
"You'd think so, wouldn't you. But the sex drive is very powerful, El."
Elreth snorted again. "I've noticed."
Her mother nodded. "So, imagine if you're feeling that way without it being attached to love. It's really easy to just seek the release without thinking about the person who's helping you get there."
"I guess I can see that."
"Well, I hope you never have to experience it. But just remember: things are going to change between you through the years. Hopefully, with this, they'll only ever get better like they did with us… until recently. But this is another thing, Elreth: No matter how hurt you are, or how angry, don't ever decide it's okay to be selfish in this. It will only ever destroy you both."
"Seems kind of impossible for a female to be selfish, Mom."
"Don't believe it. There's any number of ways—withholding things you know he wants because you're mad, or trying to pay him back for something. Saying no, to punish him. The beauty of lovemaking, El, is that it literally brings you closer. If you aren't desiring that with your Mate, there's something else that's wrong and you need to face that thing, so you can come back to your mate and unite again. Or he with you. But if you use this as a weapon… it cuts deep, El. And even when you do come back together, it will put something between you—a fear, or a resentment… Just… let this be an area of your life where you give generously, okay?"
"I'll admit, this is all sounding a lot more serious than I was expecting," Elreth said, squirming in her chair.
Her mother took her hand again and leaned closer. "You're like me. It's hard to look people in the eye when you're naked. But trust me, it's worth pushing through that. Especially when your mate is willing to love you that way. Just… treasure this, Elreth. It's a gift from the Creator."
"Okay, Mom," she said.
"El—"
"No, I mean it. I'll try. Okay?"
"And will you talk to me if you ever get uncertain or struggle with this? I won't lie to you about it. It's not easy to give yourself when you're angry or hurt. But sometimes… sometimes it's the right thing to do."
Elreth wasn't sure what to say. She couldn't yet think of a situation where she wouldn't want to give herself to Aaryn. Right now she was struggling because she couldn't! But the look on her mother's face…
"I will, Mom," she said quietly. "I will."