Chapter 186 - The Male You Are
Chapter 186 – The Male You Are
AARYN
He leaned down to put a hand behind her knees, and the other behind her shoulders, then lifted her to his chest.
She shrieked and clung to his neck, but she was smiling. As he walked back, towards the hot mineral pool, she hummed and leaned in to kiss the skin beneath his ear.
Last time he'd done this he'd dropped them both into the water and pulled her in, but this time… he needed to take his time. To show her love, not just desire. So he kissed her softly, then walked her to the edge of the pool, stepping carefully down, first to the bench level, then down into the pool, the warm water engulfing them both slowly, sliding up his legs, then his body, then over her, embracing her as he did.
He let her legs go so she could stand, but didn't stop holding her close, so once she found her feet, she was facing him, her breasts pressed against his chest, the steaming water lapping their waists.
She smiled up at him, but must have caught his mood because she didn't speak, just stared into his eyes.
He spent a full minute just taking her in, combing his fingers through her wet hair, across her scalp, pulling the heavy, wet strands away from her neck, and then starting over again in her hair.
She'd wrapped her arms around his chest, under his arms, so her fingers played on his back, up and down his spine, and her eyes shone.
For Aaryn it was a stunning moment of letting himself absorb what had happened, what was real. She was real. She was his. She was there—willingly, in love, wanting—and she wasn't going anywhere.
He shook his head, in awe.
"What?" she whispered. "What are you thinking?"
Aaryn cleared his throat and let his hands trail through her hair again. "I'm trying to believe this is real," he rasped.
"It is."
"I know. I mean, I know that in my head. But my heart… my soul… I keep waiting for the moment when you're taken from me, or I have to leave. I don't know why, Elreth, I just struggle to believe this has actually happened."
She sighed and laid her hands on his back. "You know, we don't talk a lot about what you go through with being disformed," she said quietly. "I never want to focus on that with you because it isn't important to me."
His heart squeezed at those words. "I know," he said, gruffly. "And I'm grateful for that every day."
He knew the truth of it—she'd proven it every day since she was eight years old. But for some reason in that moment, hearing her say it out loud fed something in him. Filled a hole. Made him feel more certain of himself.
"But I want to tell you something, Aaryn: There's something in you that draws me. Draws people in general. When I watched you at that meeting with the disformed, for a while it was almost like watching someone I'd never seen before. It was good—don't get me wrong! It was… really attractive. But I had think about it. Think about why I hadn't seen that side of you before. And I realized… it was because you were surrounded by Anima that were the same as you. You'd let go of… something. I don't know what. You were just being your full self. And your full self… he takes my breath away, Aaryn. Do you realize that? You are the strongest male I know. And even I hadn't realized that until recently."
"No, I'm not," he said flatly, "I appreciate the thought, El, but let's not play games here, okay? Your dad—"
"My dad is strong," she said, putting a hand to his chest. "He's the most confident male I know—though he claims Papa Brant was stronger. That's not what I'm talking about, though, Aaryn. My dad was raised being told how special he was, how strong, how he was destined to lead.
"You were raised being told you lacked something, didn't have what was needed, or that you weren't wanted. And yet… yet you're here. Facing down the elders, challenging my dad—making me submit. Aaryn… you lead the disformed—including my mother and brother and trust me, they don't listen to just anyone—keep the former King on his toes, and dominate the new Queen… you do all that even after everyone told you that you can't be an effective member of the tribe. I mean, imagine if you'd been held up like my dad? No one would be able to touch you. You're amazing!"
"Wow. Thank you." He didn't know what to say. He was touched. He'd never really thought of it that way. Never really acknowledged the effect being disformed had had on his mind. Hadn't really considered whether he'd be a different male if he hadn't been.
"Aaryn, I want that side of you. I know I get pissy when people challenge me, and I've got my own chip on my shoulder… but even so, believe me: I want that you that I saw the other night—and tonight when you were fighting Tarkyn. I want the you that knows his own worth and doesn't make apologies for it. I want the you that's confident in his own skin. I want the you that loves me and submits to me even though he could dominate me.
"You're an example to every Anima. You are needed in this land, you are needed to lead this Kingdom, whether they realize it or not. And I'm just humbled that I get to call you mine."
"Fuck, El," he whispered, dropping his forehead to hers. "You need to stop before I stop whining like a pup."
She put her hands up to his face and kissed him softly, gently. "I love you, Aaryn. Exactly as you are. I want you exactly as you are. I want exactly what you are. Do you know that?"
He nodded, but Elreth growled. "Do you know it?" she insisted.
"Yes. I do. Thank you. I don't deserve that from you, but I know it's real. Thank you."
"Thank you for loving me even when I'm hard to love," she whispered.
Then she kissed him. And Aaryn felt it to his toes.
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