Chapter 357 - One Thing, Then Another
Chapter 357 – One Thing, Then Another
ELRETH
Elreth lay in the furs, staring at the dark ceiling, wide awake. Next to her, Aaryn's breathing hadn't settled into the low, easy rhythm of sleep either. He was tense, tossing and turning, but not speaking. And she found herself in the rare situation of not wanting to speak to him. Not wanting to hear what he had to say. Because she suspected he knew.
He'd been there when she spoke to her mother, peppering her with questions her mother answered as well as she could. She'd explained Gahrye and Kalle's situation—that Gahrye's banishment to the human world had been part of the agreement her father made with the bears. But that Reth had softened on the stance when Elia pleaded with him for help for the disformed. A fact her father was now agitated about. He'd been deceived. Her mother insisted she'd never lied—everything she'd said to him about their need for Gahrye had been true. He just hadn't known the depth of the need. But her father's jaw had remained tight while they spoke of it.
Kalle, a human, was part of this prophecy too, and as such had made it her mission in life. As a Guardian she couldn't cross the traverse, so she'd been doing all the travelling in the human world, investigating any leads they found about humans who might know of Anima, or be trying to access it.
Gahrye spent most of his time with her, guarding the portal on the other side. But he'd made several trips—more when Elreth was young, before the Protectors were firmly established. Less so, in recent years. He and Elia had agreed that with her and the Protectors on that side, there was more need for his attention in the human world. And with Kalle unable to visit Anima, Gahrye suffered being away from his mate.
"They're the ones you need to talk to, Elreth," her mother had said quietly while the males of their family watched on in disapproval. "They're the ones who have the histories. And Kalle can help you understand the humans better as well. We'll prepare you here, but she'll put it all in perspective for you. It will be a shock."
Elreth had just nodded impatiently and gestured for her mother to keep going. They all kept saying that. Trying to discourage her. Why couldn't they see that she couldn't make decisions on second-hand information? Why couldn't they see that she couldn't put the weight of the entire Anima on anyone else's shoulders? She was queen. If there was a decision to be made for all the people, it was hers to make—and hers to be responsible for failure.
She couldn't put that on anyone else. Not even her family.
"They won't volunteer any of this, El," her mother warned her. "There have been times Anima have been suspicious of what we were doing. They come with clever questions and implied threats. The only way they'll believe that the time has actually come is if you tell them everything—about Gar, about the prophecy, that you know about the Protectors, specifically. Use that word. Without that, they'll hide it from you. We've been keeping this secret for twenty years. It's not something we're easy talking about."
Her father had grunted at that, her mother glanced at him, her eyes sad. But Elreth drew her back to the conversation.
When they'd finally left her parent's and come back to the cave, Aaryn was quiet. Too quiet. Elreth feared he was descending into that darkness again. But he hadn't lashed out. Hadn't even raised the issue. Simply gotten ready for bed—as had she—and now they lay there, quiet, neither of them sleeping.
Though, not for long, it turned out.
"You didn't even ask me what I thought," Aaryn muttered into the silence a few minutes later. He laid on his side, his back to her. His voice was low and rough.
"About the traverse?"
"Of course about the traverse. You didn't ask me, El. Didn't want to know if I knew anything or had thoughts you hadn't had. You didn't even ask me as your mate."
Elreth frowned into the dark. "This isn't a decision I'm making for us," she said carefully. "It's the only way forward for our entire people."
"Probably," Aaryn said sullenly. "But you didn't even ask."
Elreth sighed. "Is that how this is going to be, Aaryn? I have to run every ruling decision I make past you to make sure my mate doesn't disagree?"
"No!" he rolled over quickly, his eyes flashing in the dark. "You give me—your mate—a chance to breathe before you announce to the whole family that you're doing something life threatening. You ask me, your mate, to talk it through with you so you know you're thinking clearly, and I know why you're making the decision—because you care what I think and how I feel, and how fucking scary it is to think about losing you!"
Elreth blinked. "But… we're going to do this together, right?"
"Of course!"
"Then why are you angry?"
"Because you didn't even ask!" he repeated, his voice becoming more heated. "Does it matter how I feel about this? How I feel about being the one to protect you? Does it matter that I'm scared for you—and desperate not to fail you?"
She turned to face him, put a hand to his arm. "Yes, it matters," she said soothingly. "But I trust you, Aaryn. I know you won't let me down. And I know we're both strong enough to do this. That means we have to. It's the best decision. I know you're nervous for me, but I thought you'd see that. That you'd agree I needed to get over there."
"It's not about agreeing, it's about whether or not I matter enough to be consulted."
"I'm sorry. It all came out… You matter, Aaryn. To me, you matter more than anyone."
"Then why didn't you listen when I said we needed to slow down and not make this decision yet?"
"Because there's no other choice! Delaying would only be… delaying. There's nothing to be gained. We have a human loose in Anima and we don't know how she got here. We have a prophecy that says the humans are going to be our downfall. And we have a traverse that we've just learned we can navigate safely for the first time… all the answers are on the other side of it, Aaryn. And they're the answers to the questions I have to ask. No one else. Me. Because if we fail, it isn't you that will be responsible for it. It's me."
Aaryn sighed heavily, his eyes searching hers.