Chapter 246 - Epilogue Volume 4, Her Choice
246 – Epilogue Volume 4, Her Choice
Gong Tianyang was buried on a mountain outside the imperial capital — next to his mother.
At first, Gong Jing didn’t plan to bury him here. After all, as the sole son of the Gong Clan, Gong Tianyang had a revered status. He should be buried in a better place with better feng shui [1].
— “younger brother couldn’t be with mother during his life. Therefore… I beseech grandfather to bury younger brother next to mother, so that they can be together in death.”
But then Gong Tianqing said this to Gong Jing and finally made him change his mind and bury Gong Tianyang next to his mother.
Although Gong Tianyang’s funeral was not grand and luxurious, but it could be described as rather picturesque.
Many people participated in the funeral, including members of the royal clan, the Imperial Court’s high officials, as well as people famous in various fields. The Poster Princes appeared as well.
Xue Qilin, Qi Qiqi, Xia Xue, and Shui Yun’er arrived in mourning clothes.
Since most of the people present weren’t familiar with Gong Tianyang, they probably came to extend their condolences to Gong Jing and Gong Yue. Nevertheless, they did showed Gong Tianyang enough respect, not slighting him in the least.
Fortunately, the Emperor didn’t attend the funeral. Otherwise, Xue Qilin may not have been able to restrain her emotions. She may have offended the other party and finally blown things into a major incident.
Although Gong Tianyang passed away, the hatred engraved by his death still remains. Perhaps right now is no good, but Xue Qilin is still Xue Qilin. She will enact Gong Tianyang’s revenge one day.
At the funeral, Xue Qilin met the “little scoundrel” Gong Tianyang once mentioned.
The real name of the “little scoundrel” is Li Shuangyao, a daughter of the Southern Guard Fort’s Fort Master Li Anning. She is about the same age as Gong Tianyang. She is an out-and-out lovely lass.
Because of the frequent dealings between the two clans, she can be regarded as Gong Tianyang’s only friend. Reportedly, she cried all night after learning of Gong Tianyang’s death.
But, on the day of the funeral, she didn’t cry. Instead, she spoke to Xue Qilin, saying in a sobbing voice, “Older Sister Xue, the Gong Clan’s ‘little weasel’ frequently mentioned you in letters, saying that he is really grateful to you.”
When she heard this, Xue Qilin just thanked the other party for conveying these words, slightly pained.
*
On the third day after the funeral, Xue Qilin and Gong Tianqing came to Gong Tianyang’s tomb again. The last time they came was to attend the funeral, to see Gong Tianyang off. This time — they came to say goodbye.
“Oh, I’m here again, Little Yang.”
Xue Qilin sat cross-legged in front of Gong Tianyang’s tombstone and placed down a wreath she wove herself as an offering. Gong Tianqing placed some traditional offerings next to the wreath.
The wreath made of chrysanthemums looks a bit crooked.
It can’t be helped, since Xue Qilin can’t weave wreaths. But since there is no custom of offering wreaths to the dead in the Hua Dynasty, there are no finished wreaths for sale. Besides, considering that making it yourself can better display your feelings, she could only clumsily weave one herself.
“This thing… is a custom from my homeland, and it’s called wreath. It’s a gift used to cherish the memory of the dead and mourn them.”
Xue Qilin scratched her head and said a little embarrassedly, “I made this myself… it looks ugly, right? It can’t be helped. Your Older Sister Xue’s handicraft is not up to much. This is already the limit. Bear with it and accept this Older Sister Xue’s feelings.”
— while speaking bashfully, Xue Qilin has a slightly ugly smile on her face.
“Little Qing — your older sister wanted to help, but I thought that it would be better to do it myself… the final product is such an eyesore, what a loss of face! It seems that I overestimated myself a little…”
What am I saying… didn’t I come to say goodbye? She sighed.
In times like this, she always finds it difficult to speak, unable to say it right. Even though she knows that she came to say goodbye, she has difficulty to put it into words. It was the same at the funeral. Others recited eulogies, yet she was silent.
She feels that once she says goodbye, she will really acknowledge Gong Tianyang’s death and that he will never come back.
When faced with the death of people she knows, she likes to run away. Although she knows that she’s a letdown, but she’s just an ordinary person She can’t help but have unrealistic expectations.
— “he’s not really dead. He’s just playing a joke on us.”
People are oftentimes pretty foolish.
However, in order to take a step towards tomorrow, your legs cannot be bound by the death of others. Xue Qilin knows that she will have to accept it in the end.
Whether she casts aside, or keeps in mind, she must continue to live. She cannot stop here.
“How shameful. It’s not me who died…”
Yes, I’m still alive. I can’t always dwell in the past… Xue Qilin sighed, then stood up resolutely and straightened herself up.
“Little Yang, this Older Sister Xue really thinks that you are stronger than anyone else. Whether it is in the face of illness, or in the face of death, you can show a smile. Can I become as strong as you?”
Xue Qilin thought that she has changed, that her heart is no longer tangled with the matter of her niece being unable to wake up.
But in fact, she never let go. She never actively tried to understand others in depth. In the end, she still fears the pain that comes with loss. She has been pretending to be able to bear the weight of others again, pretending to be able to deeply connect with people again.
Nothing has changed.
She often says beautiful words, but doesn’t really let others into her heart. If she really values the people around her, why does she know nothing about them? She didn’t know about Gong Tianqing’s identity, Qi Qiqi’s loneliness, and Shui Yun’er’s past.
She’s just pretended to value them.
— but, she already knows she’s weak.
“This Older Sister Xue will work hard to become as strong as you, will try to have others become like you, will try to able to smile at any time.”
— like a bright, warm sun.
Although the other party cannot see it, but she still chose to show a brilliant smile at this moment. Gong Tianyang said that he liked her smile. So, she should smile at least once before leaving.
“I came to say goodbye.” Xue Qilin glanced at Gong Tianqing standing beside her, “I already settled the things I came to do in the imperial capital. Therefore, I have to return home — return to the Merak Temple.”
After a pause, Xue Qilin asked somewhat mischievously, “Little Yang, are you perhaps unwilling to part with me? It’s okay. Even if you were far away at the other end of the world, I would still come to see you, not to mention that the imperial capital is not that far away from the Merak Temple. But the next time I come to see you, what should I bring? I like to eat sanshoku dango. Would you like to try it? If you want, I’ll bring it to you next time.”
At this moment, Xue Qilin seems to hear a voice tinged with childishness and full of expectations say “I want” to her.
She shook her head and whispered, “really don’t know what to do with you”.
“I’ll see you again, show you a smile again.”
Just like when she ruffled Gong Tianyang’s hair in the past, Xue Qilin gently stroked the tombstone and solemnly made a promise.
“Next, spend some time with your older sister! Your Older Sister Xue is going to take a nap over there!”
Xue Qilin nodded at Gong Tianqing.
After Gong Tianqing said “thank you, Young Ancestor”, she retreated to not far away and silently watched Gong Tianqing sorrowfully kneel in front of her younger brother’s tomb.
Gong Tianqing was silent for a while, and then began to recount some things concerning her past. When she spoke of happy things, she smiled gently; when she spoke of sad things, she wept.
Even though Gong Tianyang couldn’t respond, she still talked on end. For the first time, Xue Qilin realized that Gong Tianqing is such a good talker.
Perhaps she has changed a little, as well… Xue Qilin mused.
It was not until sunset, when a corner of the sky was dyed red, that Gong Tianqing got up and went back to in front of Xue Qilin. Xue Qilin stroked Gong Tianqing’s head and asked with a gentle smile, “Are you done chatting?”
Gong Tianqing shook her head and smiled tranquilly.
“I have a lot more things to tell him. But don’t worry, I’ll talk to him later. I think that today was — already enough for the time being. Thank you, Young Ancestor.”
“That so? Already enough…”
Xue Qilin sighed a few indistinct words.
She looked at the tombstone involuntarily, trying to completely engrave the shape of the tombstone into her mind.
All of a sudden, she seemed to see Gong Tianyang wave goodbye at her, saying, “you must come to see me again”. Xue Qilin grinned at the phantom in her heart and answered silently, “okay”.
The anguish and pain coiling around her heart disappeared. Xue Qilin squinted her eyes and stretched herself.
“Little Qing, what are your plans for the future?”
“Grandfather told me not stay at the Gong Clan. He said that since His Majesty is so apprehensive of Wulin, as a disciple of the Merak Temple, I should avoid arousing suspicion. Even if he wants to hand the Gong Clan over to me, His Majesty won’t permit it…”
Gong Tianqing smiled softly, smiled a smile tinged with helplessness and sadness.
“I see, ah… But, Little Qing, I asked about you. What I want to know is — what do you think yourself? Not what other people think, but what you think — tell me! What’s on your mind.”
Gong Tianqing fell silent and lowered her gaze.
At this time, a strong wind suddenly blew past her, making her stagger in Xue Qilin’s direction. Xue Qilin promptly supported her.
“Little Qing, are you alright?”
Gong Tianqing shook her head.
Then, as if waking up from a dream, she looked up at Xue Qilin.
Those always wavering eyes are now full of firmness.
“I… I want to go back to the Merak Temple. I think that there is where I belong.”
The sudden reply left Xue Qilin a little dazed.
After that —
“Okay, then let’s go back.”
A smile of elation appeared on her face.
Xue Qilin happily took Gong Tianqing’s hand and pulled her away from here.
When they got to the foot of the mountain, they saw Qi Qiqi, Shui Yun’er, and Xia Xue. Behind them, there is a lavish carriage engraved with the words “Gong Clan”.
Xue Qilin and Gong Tianqing exchanged a look, and then quickly went to greet…
— the people who were going to pick them up are already here.