147 Burden in His Heart
Having had enough of the outside, Darius walked Xenia up to her door and bid her a simple goodnight with a kiss on her forehead. Her servants were already outside, waiting for her to assist her in cleaning up and getting ready for bed. It was good that they had their heads lowered. That way, they didn’t have to witness the disappointed look on her face as soon as Darius turned around and left.
Letting out a sigh, Xenia quickly opened the door for herself, not letting the servants do this simple task for her as she then went on to do her own thing. Getting ready for bed, she kept on sighing as her eyes constantly went towards the door. Having had enough of her daydreaming, however, she promptly dismissed her private servants before quietly crawling into her bed.
Comfortably laying on her back, Xenia found herself staring at the ceiling for a long time. She felt strange for some reason…
She let out another sigh and bit her lower lip. She had this urge to go past the connecting balcony towards the other bedchamber where Darius was. She…
Another sigh came out of her mouth. She had been letting out countless sighs, her eyes blankly staring at the ceiling.
‘He looked so sad… And it’s my fault for bringing up that painful past of his,’ she thought to herself, followed by even more sighs of regret.
How Darius’s father died sounded far too tragic for her liking, and she could understand how he thought that it was also his fault, seeing as she also came to that point back when their Seer Beirut died. Although, Darius’s case was all the more pitiful because of the one who died. It had been his father, after all, someone who he strongly believed was murdered by a trusted family friend.
Having had enough of the ceiling, Xenia sat up from the bed and looked around. Freya said that this bedchamber was memorable to Darius, that he didn’t just let anyone in here. And yet he still let her use it even back then…
***
Hours passed, and she was still wide awake sitting on the bed and hugging her bent knees. Sleep was simply nowhere to be found as her mind constantly went to Darius and how he was doing. She was worried, and at that point, she simply wanted to be with him.
“This won’t do,” she sighed. “I want to see him.”
Having decided on a course of action, Xenia got up from her bed and headed towards the balcony. Walking to the other side, Darius’s door was open, so she quietly entered. Inside, his room still had a light on, and she saw him on the bed sitting with his back on the headrest and his eyes closed. Walking closer to him, she wondered if he was actually asleep in such a position.
“Xen,” she suddenly heard his husky voice whisper.
‘He probably smelled my scent,’ Xenia inwardly thought since his eyes were still closed.
“I can’t sleep. Can I sleep here with you?” she weakly murmured out, almost barely a whisper but just enough for Darius to hear.
He didn’t say a word, of course. His eyes were still closed, so Xenia decided it upon herself to walk to the other side of the bed and settled herself in Darius’s bed without waiting for his response.
It was nostalgic, somehow. It felt like back during those days wherein every inn they went to, she and Darius slept together on one bed. She subconsciously smiled upon recalling how annoyed she was when he commanded her to sleep beside him all those times. And now here she was asking him if she could sleep beside him. Out of her own free will, no less.
She had a pout on her face as she turned to Darius, wondering if he was just intentionally ignoring her somehow. Surely he was awake with how much she moved beside him.
‘Such a player,’ Xenia inwardly shook her head as Darius’s silence continued. ‘Is he really playing hard to get right now?’
It was an idea she got from one of Jayra’s romance books. It was plausible, after all. Or perhaps he was just still disheartened from recalling the past that she selfishly brought up.
The silence between them stretched on into the night, and it was killing her to the point that Xenia sat up on the bed close to him and worriedly asked, “Are you alright?”
At that, Darius finally opened his eyes and turned to her. Xenia gulped upon seeing the burning desire in his eyes. He was like a predator eyeing his prey, and her heart hammered inside her chest just from that piercing gaze of his alone.
“What are you doing, Xen?” Darius questioned with a frown and a squint.
Xenia met his intense stare and genuinely replied, “I was worried about you, so I thought it would be good if I stayed here with you. I-“
“Why are you worried?” Darius suddenly asked in his hoarse tone, not even letting her finish her thought.
Xenia bit her lower lip. Silence reigned for a brief second before she heard Darius curse under his breath.
“Don’t you want me here?” she asked, unable to last against the intensity of Darius’s gaze directed at her. She clutched the fabric of her nightgown as she murmured, “I’m sorry.”
It probably wasn’t a good thing to disturb him at the moment. She honestly didn’t know what to do… All she wanted was to comfort him, but she felt lost at the fact that she had never done such a thing before. Moving to give him some space, it was then that she felt Darius pounce at her, burying his face in her chest without so much as a warning.
“Stay… I want you here, my love,” Darius whispered out as if he was in pain. “I just won’t be able to promise you that I can control myself any longer from touching you and going further beyond that.”
He breathed out, “I’m really close to snapping the little amount of self-control left in me, Xen. You don’t know how much I was dying to have you in every waking moment.”
Xenia didn’t respond, but she had no intention of leaving at all. She simply moved to relax while she thought of the best way to comfort him.
And apparently, this was the way to do it.
Her lips curled up as she held him close, hugging him back as she gently brushed her palm against his head and hair, patting and stroking each strand gently.
“Everything will be alright,” she soothed. “I’m sure Freya will understand the situation.” Well, she could only assume that it was one of Darius’s worries at the moment.
“My sister Freya… She was only ten when we lost our father. She did not know about it… About Nasser’s real involvement in our father’s death,” Darius sighed. “I decided to keep her and mother in the dark about Father’s last words that night, as well as how he looked when he passed.”
It was so sudden… As Xenia expected, there’s more to it, seeing as Freya wouldn’t react that way against her brother just a while ago against if she knew the whole truth.
Just hearing all of this was making her heart ache even more for Darius. It was tragic, just knowing how long he had to carry this burden in his heart all alone…