275 To Confess Her Feelings
Looking outside of the window on her carriage, Freya resisted the urge to sigh as her mind took her to places that she really didn’t want to think about at the moment. They were all on their way to Hindman Manor to attend Bartos and Jayra’s wedding, and somehow, Mother decided that she should be in a separate carriage from the rest of them.
Well, it would’ve been fine, but the fact that Gideon was also with her really put a damper on her own plans to just sit and think about what she was supposed to do.
“It’s really snowing today, huh,” Gideon casually said, attempting to make small talk with her as if he hadn’t noticed her mood. “I hope it stops just before the wedding.”
“Yeah…”
She couldn’t help but sigh. She really didn’t want to do so in front of him, but it was just the way her thoughts wanted to be expressed at the moment. For some reason, unlike her own feelings for the man, she wasn’t shy enough to let the world know that she was having problems.
“Is there something wrong?” he understandably asked. “Are you still sick?”
Freya almost let out a small self-deprecating chuckle. Even now, she was still hiding the fact that she had faked her illness to him, having backed down so hard that she just went along with whatever it was that he thought she had.
She felt bad for deceiving him, especially after she already thought that she was going to come clean with him, but that was the bed she made for herself. She might as well lay in it like she deserved.
“I’m fine,” Freya replied, doing her very best to look as innocent as possible. She knew that doing so would only make her more suspicious, but that was the only thing she could even do at the moment. “I’m just admiring the scenery, is all.”
An awkward silence settled between them, Gideon’s frown only making her feelings of shame and embarrassment flare up even harder as she turned her gaze back to the outside world. Perhaps if she ignored him hard enough, he’d stop asking her questions…
“You know you can tell me if you’re cold, right?” Gideon pressed, the worried smile on his face only making her heart ache even more. “I can pull out another coat for you.”
“Again, I’m fine,” Freya insisted, the blush on her face making her smile look even more awkward than she wanted. “It’ll pass. I can handle it.”
…
…
Yet another round of silence settled between them, the sound of the carriage’s wheels filling the air as the invisible tension surrounding them almost made it harder for either of them to breach the other.
Freya knew that this was all her fault, that she was only making things harder for either of them if she kept on being indecisive with her feelings, but she just couldn’t help it. There was just no way for her to push through her own boundaries at the moment.
Still, that didn’t mean she should let Gideon do all the heavy lifting in terms of having a conversation. Even if she still couldn’t think of a way to properly tell him that she liked him already, there was no reason for her to just ignore him in hopes that he’ll leave her alone long enough for her to sort out her own problems.
“It’s kind of surreal, seeing a wedding like this,” Freya began, her voice almost wavering even as she kept her gaze on the outside world. “I almost thought I was going to be a kid forever, and yet here I am about to watch one of the few people I actually care about getting married.”
“Time moves quickly, Freya,” Gideon somberly replied, having seemingly picked up on the mood. “In one moment, we were still teasing each other with some random childish insults, and the next, we’re already grown up dealing with wars and politics.”
Freya couldn’t help but sigh at that reality. Sure, she expected the politics part to dominate her life as soon as she got back, but the war part was still rather disheartening to think about. Coupled with a few other revelations about some of the people she had known for almost her entire life, it was understandable why she was being so conflicted like this.
“I don’t know… It just felt like it all happened so fast,” Freya wistfully lamented. “Brother’s about to get married. My newest friend is about to get married. Even my other new friend’s about to get married. It just feels like everybody’s getting married and it’s all moving so fast.”
“War tends to do that, Freya,” Gideon sagely spoke aloud, seemingly recounting a few things he experienced himself. “It sheds a light on how fleeting life can be. You never know who’s going to make it out alive, or if you’ll even see the light of the next day.”
Freya couldn’t help but sigh as she nodded. It was a grim outlook, but one that she couldn’t deny the truth of.
“Most people would like to die without regrets. So understandably, they take more risks, probably even hook up with the first person that they click with,” Gideon continued. “If it all works out, then at least they knew who their true mate was before they died. And if not, then at least they died knowing what it was like before it completely went bad.”
“That’s… rather morbid,” Freya frowned.
“That’s the realities of war, I’m afraid,” Gideon sighed alongside her. “Still, it also means that war also pushes the boundaries of those that might be too afraid to get out of their comfort zone. They do say that adversity is the mother of all innovation. And what better adversity is there than a good old fashioned war?”
Freya turned her gaze to look at Gideon, her mate doing the same as they locked eyes with one another. Still, she could barely hold as she quickly averted her eyes, looking back out into the cold wilderness as they moved.
Well, if there was one thing, it was that she’ll have to confess her feelings in one way or another. And if what Gideon just said was true, then her decision would have to come sooner rather than later.