279 I’m Not Done
By the far end of the hall, Clara was starting to regret even coming to Lord Bartos’s wedding. Sure, she was invited, and snubbing the event would be tantamount to social suicide unless she had a valid excuse, but just seeing all the couples dancing together while she herself had nobody by her side was only making her stew in her own jealousy and spite.
It was unfair that she was all alone without even so much as a friend in sight, all while Princess Xenia was with her beloved, having dragged His Majesty to the dance floor with the ever radiant smile that she always had.
“That should’ve been me…”
Surely, her breaths of jealousy might’ve been bad for her heart, but she decided to stew in it nonetheless as her eyes never left her supposed friend-slash-rival. Sure, she had probably invited this onto herself by acting like an entitled bitch in front of everyone, but she had been the one that put in all the effort. She was the one that befriended him. Grew up with him. Devoted her entire life to him…
And yet all of it amounted to nothing against a human princess that was admittedly more capable than what she first saw in her.
Clara was no fool. She knew in her own heart that she wanted to be friends with the usurper, that they’d truly hit it off back when they didn’t know any better about one another.
Unfortunately, fate had decided to intersect their paths, her own goals colliding against the princess as she did her best to fight against her beloved’s supposed mate.
She let out a sigh as she watched the dance unfold, nursing her own drink in her hands as she stood by the sidelines. She made sure to keep herself scarce, her eyes darting towards a few others that seemed to have decided to share in her own loneliness.
‘It would seem that Lord Bartos’s sister Bella is also alone for the festivities,’ she absently noted.
At that thought, a bit of commiserating glee graced her mind, a feeling that she quickly snuffed out in favor of the brewing jealousy that she had decided to cultivate that day. Besides, she didn’t want to add any more negative feelings to the already boiling pot that was her chest. Taking glee in someone else’s misery wasn’t like her, and she wouldn’t be starting now even if it somehow felt good to do so.
Shaking her head, Clara focused her attention back on the ever loving couple. The two seemed to be finished dancing, for now, electing to return to the table they shared with Freya and the Queen Mother. Again, her jealousy flared up when she saw the princess talking cordially with the two, bitter resentment starting to overwhelm her the more her gaze lingered.
[How long do you plan on torturing yourself like this?] her wolf finally asked, probably having been fed up with all of her negativity.
[As long as I have to,] she mentally breathed out, grasping onto her feelings like a vise. [It’ll serve as a reminder… Motivation for what’s at stake.]
Taking another deep breath, Clara knew she was starting to break, the tears in her eyes telling her that she should really stop with her self-inflicted vigil of watching over her beloved. It wasn’t even her job anymore, having been stripped of her position a while ago under the pretense of her being able to focus more on training for the trial to become a Queen.
“I…”
Her breaths came out heavy, her throat seizing up the longer she stared at the happy couple and what was supposed to be her family. Oh, she knew that they’d still welcome her with open arms, but she wanted there to be more… to not be considered as a sister to the one she truly loved.
[You really have to stop,] Sheba sadly insisted. [This isn’t healthy and you know it.]
[Of course, I know it!] Clara inwardly seethed. [I didn’t want any of this to happen! That should’ve been me there laughing with Freya and the Queen Mother! It should’ve been me that Darius took for a quick dance in the middle of every other person present in the room!]
It should’ve been her that felt the Mate Pull towards Darius. It was just so unfair… Why did fate have to give that hu- Xenia the privilege of being the one destined for her beloved? Why Xenia, when she had already poured her whole heart and soul into being worthy of Darius’s affection?
“I-It should’ve…”
Her tears came out in earnest now, her sobs thankfully being drowned out by the loud music as she turned away from whatever crowd there was that could see her. Taking a passing glance, she swiped an unattended bottle of wine for herself, staring at it as if deciding whether or not to bother with a glass before shrugging and drinking it straight from the bottle.
[Clara…]
[I’m not done, okay?! I’m not giving up!] Clara inwardly declared, her tears flowing freely even as she gulped down her drink. [I’ll show them all that I’m the one that’s worthy of being called Queen!]
Sheba wisely kept quiet as Clara finally allowed herself to drown in her sorrows. While she did her best to prop up her crumbling confidence, a part of her already knew that she was fighting a losing battle.
The best she could hope for was that the princess would fail catastrophically during the trials inside the Element Forest. She didn’t want Xenia to die, of course. Just that she failed to give way to Clara’s ascension in her place.
‘I have to win… I have to…’
Her chants almost rang hollow even in her own head. Still, she repeated the phrase until she felt she had enough confidence to face the crowd again. Wiping the tears off her face, Clara placed the now empty bottle of wine down on an unsuspecting table before making her way towards another bottle of wine she found unattended.
If she was going to enjoy this party, she better do it while she was drunk enough to not even care anymore.