693 The Guilt of Failing to Save You
Jayra thought she had some time for herself to relax as she looked out off her room’s balcony. Taking a brief moment to get some rest after countless hours of research and studying, she couldn’t help but sigh as her efforts still remained fruitless even after her constant search for answers.
The Black Rose… It was some sort of freak disease that was spawned by nature. According to Lena when they last spoke, it was so deadly that any attempts at trying to cure it ended up with the healer catching the disease themselves and dying as a result. Well, thankfully, none of that had happened to them yet, but she couldn’t help but think that it was only a matter of time before it did happen.
“And here I thought it was going to be simple enough,” she sighed to herself.
Shaking her head, Jayra decided that she had enough rest for the day as she turned around and continued her work. But just before she could start, the door to her workshop opened, revealing a rather distraught servant.
“Lady Jayra…”
“What is it?” she quickly asked. “Is there something wrong?”
“L-Lady Bella…” the servant panted. “She’s missing…”
Jayra felt her heart drop as she quickly dropped her work in favor of leaving the castle. Giving a cursory nod to whoever crossed her path, explanations would have to come later as she made her way to what was hopefully where her wayward sister-in-law had hidden herself in.
‘What are you doing, Bella…’ she worriedly thought to herself. ‘I thought you were better than this…’
While it might’ve escaped the others, Jayra felt something off from her friend despite the latter’s usual smiles. Xenia also sensed that something was amiss when they last met, but she and Bartos, not to mention her in-laws were too burdened by the current epidemic at the moment to keep an eye on Bella who had shown good progress in the last few days.
Making her way through the brush and the cliffside, Jayra held her breath as she finally arrived at the one place she knew where Bella would be. She was facing out onto the drop below her, the cliff where Osman had fallen seemingly calling out to her as she stared blankly out in the distance.
“Bella…” she whispered.
Letting out a sigh of relief, Jayra approached her with the intent of escorting her back to their home. But while that was her idea, it would seem that Bella had other priorities… one that made Jayra scream as she watched Bella attempt to throw herself off the deep end to her death.
“Bella!”
Moving quickly, Jayra sprinted towards the edge of the cliff. Diving towards the edge, she barely managed to hold onto Bella’s hand, holding onto her for dear life as she attempted to pull her up from the brink of death.
Bella blinked at her in surprise, her tears still running down her cheeks as she looked up at her. “J-Jayra?”
“What in the world are you doing?!” Jayra screamed at her, her own tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “Are you crazy?!”
“W-What’s there to live for anyway…” Bella weakly shuddered. “Osman’s gone, and I can’t live without him…”
“What do you mean ‘you can’t live without him?!’ Do you think he’d want you to throw away your life like this?!” Jayra yelled, her grip on Bella’s hand slipping as her friend gave little effort to save herself. “Do you think he’d be alright with you throwing away the life that he cherished?!”
Bella opened her mouth to retort, only to keep them shut as she looked away in shame. “Y-You don’t understand…”
Jayra frowned even as she slowly positioned herself to pull Bella better up from the ledge. “Alright, fine then. I don’t understand,” she admitted, knowing that saying otherwise might only set Bella off even further. “But what I do understand is that you’re not thinking straight. On top of Osman not wanting this. What do you think would happen if you died?”
Bella remained quiet, her grip trembling even as Jayra began to pull her up.
“What do you we would feel? What your loved ones would feel? Do you think we won’t miss you?” she yelled out, her tone losing most of its anger in favor of comforting her hurting sister-in-law. “We’re here for you, Bella. And if you throw your life away like this… We’d be the ones carrying the guilt of failing to save you…”
Bella flinched at her words, and Jayra knew then that she was getting to her. Intensifying her efforts, she heaved Bella away from the ledge and back onto solid ground, pulling her back to the world of the living before she could do anything more dangerous.
“I… I’m sorry…” Bella weakly sobbed.
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“N-No! I’m the one responsible for this,” Bella yelled. “Don’t put yourself down because of my decisions… No… You don’t deserve it…”
“And you don’t deserve to blame yourself for what you’re feeling either,” Jayra weakly chuckled. “It’s normal to hurt, but don’t keep it all to yourself. You have family and friends. Us… We’ll share in your pain, and we’ll gladly help you carry whatever burden is in your heart…”
Jayra smiled at Bella as she hugged Bella even tighter. “Again, Osman wouldn’t want you doing this. I’m sure that wherever he is right now, he’s cursing your name for attempting to take your own life.”
“I-I suppose so,” Bella tearily chuckled. “I can already imagine him yelling at me for this…”
The two shared a small laugh as they caught their breaths. After a few heartfelt moments of comforting one another, Jayra helped Bella up.
“We should go back to the Capital,” Jayra suggested. “I’m sure the others are already looking for us.”
“R-Right…” Bella faintly smiled. “I’m sure I have a lot of explaining to do…”
Jayra smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”