190 She Didn't Want It
For a moment, she could only stare. She felt like her mind could not process what he said.
Regret? Regret what?
But then, she realized what he meant. It was as if she had been slapped. She lowered her head as blood rushed to her head, and tears started to form in the corners of her eyes. She felt like she had no right to look at Morpheus anymore. She wanted to hide, to scream, to run away. She didn’t understand what she was feeling, but she could not deny it.
“I…Morph—I’m…”
She was shaking so much that she could not form a coherent sentence.
Morpheus understood. He felt like his entire body was weighted by a mountain exactly because he understood.
‘Ah…she didn’t want it…’
With a bitter smile lingering on his handsome face, he moved away from her, giving her enough space to breathe comfortably, but he could not completely let go of her. His hand still caressed her cheeks, his touch gentle and affectionate, as if to assure her that refusing was fine. That he was fine.
“M-Morph, I…I am sorry,” she was finally able to say, feeling embarrassed by her actions. “I’m sorry—”
“Look at me,” he instructed, his voice as gentle as it could be.
She looked at him, the corners of her eyes pooling with tears of embarrassment. “I-I…”
“Hush,” he smiled. “You don’t need to apologize. I was lost in the moment as well, but luckily, a bit of reason was left. I wanted to make sure that you really want it. I want to kiss you badly too, and I would not have stopped if you wanted the same.”
“I…” Her mind was a mess of confusion with what she even wanted. “I don’t know…”
He let go of her hurt hand that he was still holding as well as pulled back his other hand that was caressing her cheek. He let out an awkward yet bitter-sounding laugh as his fingers brushed through his ash grey hair, somewhat a nervous tick as he avoided her gaze.
“Is that so…? I guess, well, let’s not think about it…”
His eyes happened to land on the bundle of fruits on the stone railing.
“The Dragon Fire Fruits, hah, I almost forgot. You should eat one. It tastes best when it’s freshly plucked. You might feel better and help you change your mood?” he said, still sounding awkward, and without waiting for her reply, he pulled out one fruit from the bundle, peeled it and offered it to her.
With her hands still trembling, she accepted the peeled fruit, coordinating with him as she too wanted to get out of this embarrassing situation as soon as she could.
“Oh, but eat only this one, or you will fall asleep again,” he suggested, to which he received a small nod.
With her attention no longer on him, Morpheus let out a shaky breath and regained his lost composure. He distanced himself a bit from her while leaning with his back against the railing of the balcony, his arms folded in front of his broad chest and his legs crossed over each other.
As the breeze gently ruffled against his hair, he found himself becoming calmer. He was content to simply watch Ember nibbling at the fruit with adorably small bites.
Of course, Ember could sense his gaze on her. After a while, she felt like she could no longer stand his silent scrutiny.
“Stop looking at me.”
She was still embarrassed by what happened a moment ago. If it was not for Morpheus pulling away, she was sure that something more would have happened between them. She had no will to resist what she felt earlier, and neither did she have the ability to stop her desires.
Morpheus chuckled, wanting to tease her.
“But you eat so well.”
“D-Don’t tease me!”
Seeing her face burn crimson, he made himself look away. “Fine!”
After she finished that fruit, she stood next to him, her hands holding onto the balcony railing as support. She felt relieved that the awkward atmosphere around them had started to disappear.
“Thank you…” she started, her voice small and barely audible, “umm, for the fruits…”
Morpheus asked, “Did something happen?”
“Huh?” was all she could say as she didn’t know what he was referring to.
“What happened to make you feel like this?” he clarified. “We’ve hung out many times, and you’ve never behaved like this. Something triggered you. Is it the effect of the bond?”
“That…” she hesitated.
“I am your friend and you can tell me. Friends are there so you can share things with them that you cannot normally share with others.” He then looked to his right, and their gazes met once more. “I am sure something has happened.”
She felt her heart beating faster, a mix of nervousness and embarrassment making her hesitate.
“I only want to be of help,” he assured her.
“It’s…His Majesty gave me a task,” she replied slowly, carefully choosing her words.
“Task?”
“He asked me some questions and told me to look for answers to them” she replied, but corrected herself immediately, “Please don’t ask what questions. I…I won’t be able to say them.”
“Oh, no worries! I won’t. Go on,” he assured her again.
She put on a strained smile. “So, to find the answers to those questions, I looked through a handful of human books, in particular romance stories, as Yula told me that mates are similar to the human concept of a husband and wife. I wanted to understand how a proper husband and wife should treat each other and what they do…on….their wedding night…” She stopped as she had no other words to say.
Morpheus understood her dilemma and concluded, “I see. And you found the answers?”
With her head lowered in embarrassment, she nodded lightly and then explained, “Earlier, I didn’t mean to…but I don’t know why….”
“A momentary lapse of judgment. It happens,” he assured her, keeping his own thoughts and feelings aside. His nonchalant shrug caused her to be visibly more at ease. He continued with a wistful smile, “You are learning and exploring things you’ve just become aware of. What’s important is the lesson you get from these kinds of experiences. It’s good for you to realize early what you want and what you don’t want. Life is like that—it’s a matter of trying things out and choosing what works best for you. No one is perfect at the start. You can take it like you lost your way for a moment but then found the path you want to take.”
The more he spoke, the more wistful his smile became.
‘Should I think of this as a lesson for myself as well?’
It was the first time Morpheus had harboured romantic thoughts for a woman. It was the first intimate encounter he had with a female, and it was his first kiss, though it was nothing more than just lightly touching their lips.
Could he really brush this memory aside as a lesson? What he felt in that mere second was something he would not forget. Unfortunately, this was something he could only keep to himself.
Ember was not his. She did not choose him. She was merely caught up in the moment and didn’t intentionally want something more. Aside from his friendship, there was nothing she wanted from him.
“Will I be a bad mate now?” she mumbled, feeling bad about what she did.
He looked at her downcast face. “You are thinking too much. It is just a matter of bad luck—you’re with the wrong person at the wrong time. Isn’t your decision to refuse the most important thing?”
“Do you think so?” she asked, looking at him with her worry-filled eyes.
He offered her an assuring smile and nodded. “His Majesty the King is a lucky man. You will be really a good mate to him.”
She felt a little relieved. “I will strive to be one.” But then, a thought came to her mind. “Will His Majesty be angry if he gets to know I…we…?”
“Gets to know what?”
“That…we…”
“Did something happen? You’re just eating the fruits I brought.”
Her emerald green eyes stared at him intently.
“Your friend came to visit you and fed you fruits. That’s all that happened.”
He could not stand to see her guilt-ridden face as if she had committed a sin. Technically speaking, they were about to kiss and when he asked for her consent, she refused to continue.
Attraction was a natural thing, and it was something that could not be controlled. What mattered was one’s moral behaviour—how one chooses to behave. His conscience was clear, and so was hers. He wondered if Ember thought that was not the case, but her moral values were still attuned to the human ways.
“No need to mention everything to him. Best if you forget about it,” he suggested but felt bad that he was asking her to forget something he himself held with great importance.
She nodded, her expression still downcast.
“Oh, I forgot to ask, how are your magic lessons going so far?”
The moment he asked this, her eyes brightened up and she looked like she had put aside what happened between them.
“I was able to reach my energy core,” she informed him happily.
“That’s good to know. I knew you could do it,” he encouraged her.
“Soon, I will be able to use magic like you! I will work hard because I want to show off my spell to you next time.”
“I look forward to it.”
She smiled brightly at him. He felt relieved to see her smiling as he wanted nothing more but to see her smiling.
‘She looks better. I should leave now.’
“It’s getting late. I guess I will take my leave now. Remember, don’t eat more than one Dragon Fire Fruit a day,” he said and the next moment the pair of large wings behind him opened up.
“See you soon?”
“See you soon.”
Ember held the bundle of fruits in her hand as Morpheus flew away.