The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

The reign of the blood-red moon was reaching its end, soon to be replaced by the holy moon Wendiya. For the residents of Orlodiadan, this was great news.

After all, no intelligent species would wish to face off against beasts berserk under the effect of the blood moon. After the wild beasts returned to their lairs, fatigued from their frenzies, they would face the furious revenge of the hunters.

This wouldn’t only be due to the grudges accumulated from the beasts attacking the intelligent species. During the full moon, hunting for meat would become incredibly difficult. Hunters would need to swiftly obtain meat for their tribes after the blood moon receded.

Orlodiadan was the name the local residents called the Dragon World. Those who understood the language of the Titans would know that this meant “Land of Hibernation.” Indeed, the former official language of this world was the long-lost Titan language. [1] ¹

Considering that this entire dimension was created to seal away the Titan Giants, it was very possible that the earliest residents of this world were connected to the Titan Giants in some way. This world had relatively primitive and pure tribal systems and totem worship.

However, after the flying lizards became more numerous here and ascended to the throne of the apex predator, Orlodiadan became known as the Dragon World in the areas under their control. The dragon language also became the language universally accepted.

But dragon language was far too difficult to speak. Only the dragons themselves and those with Dragon Bloodlines had tongues capable of pronouncing it. Other species couldn’t speak it easily. Only tribal leaders would try their best at learning the dragon language. It would be possible to communicate with those unreasonable flying lizards if they crossed paths.

After the first days of the holy moon this year, some perceptive tribe leaders noticed that many things were secretly changing. The big lizards that always flew up above had greatly decreased in number. Those that coincidentally met with the big lizards didn’t have to worry about the lizards breathing dragonbreath down upon them just for fun. They were in far more of a hurry, as if they had other frustrations on their minds.

As for the ogre and giant tribes… that’s right, not only were there ogre tribes here, but they were far more advanced and intelligent than the ogre tribes in Eich. These ogres faintly sensed something summoning themselves, and the most powerful ogres gained great increases in power, while their newborns started being born with elemental talents.

Although this seemed like a good thing, these Giant Bloodline relatives had lived in this uncivilized frontier for so long, and they felt afraid. Young ogres and dragons would frequently vanish, unsettling the tribe members. The way the youngsters had blank expressions as they walked off into the distance made the others afraid from the bottoms of their hearts. Even though everything appeared calm on the surface, unease was brewing underneath. A major storm was about to arrive.

As all of Orlodiadan simmered with anxiety, the distant, relatively unknown Ghostwind Plains was worrying about a different trouble—about a group of uninvited guests.

These uninvited guests took over a vast swathe of land. The walls surrounding their residential areas were made of iron, the purity and hardness of which was on par with iron weapons that only half of all tribal leaders had access to. And these people constantly went in and out in pure iron tanks.

“Who are they? What do they want? Why are they here? Are they going to attack us?”

All the locals of the Ghostwind Plains sought the answers to these questions.

For the Eternal Thunder tribe that originally resided here, none of these questions were important. These invaders would have to pay with their lives for intruding upon the Eternal Thunder tribe’s territory.

The Eternal Thunder tribe wasn’t a tribe to ponder upon such trivial questions. They were the incarnations of vicious beasts. However, when their three biggest families—the Boomwolves, Tantail Lions, and Dragonteeth families—combined themselves in an attack with another ten smaller tribal families and couldn’t even break through the second layer of defensive walls, everyone knew that a new master had arrived in the Ghostwind Plains.

“They have flying giant islands! They have their own metal big lizards, really big ones, that can spit fire! They even make thunderous noises and shoot meteors!”

The locals used their own words to describe the powerful outsiders. Meanwhile, the tribal families that had participated in the failed attack were filled with panic. They could do nothing but await their doom.

That’s right—doom. In their way of thinking, they attacked but lost. The angered defenders would surely execute the weak attackers and enslave the elderly, weak, female and children.

But, they waited and waited and no attacking army came for them. Instead, the iron tanks escorted a group of merchants.

Although the local tribes had a basic bartering system, such a large-scale group of merchants was something they’d never seen before. Since these outsiders had displayed their military might, the bartering they wished for became instantly successful.

What the tribe members found most inconceivable was how “stupid” these outsider merchants were. The merchants only asked for some dirty and smelly slaves from other tribes and some useless little rocks. In exchange, the tribe members could obtain valuable metal weapons and comfortable clothes to wear. Metal weapons were rare to the point that only tribal leaders could use them, while comfortable clothes could only be crafted by talented artisans in major tribes that could afford to raise Findeek beasts, a local beast capable of producing raw cloth material.

Currently, two human merchants in a horse-drawn carriage were discussing their harvest.

“…I obtained a full cart of adamantine and mithril in exchange for a battle axe and two rolls of cloth. I almost feel bad about it. But won’t this make the two of us the champion merchants for this week?”

“Not even close. Group Four has a lucky brat who obtained two Baby White Dragons in exchange for a vegetable knife and cutting board. Boss Roland personally rewarded him. Our boss has given us new orders: to obtain more combat beasts, especially Baby Dragons and SemiDragons.”

In both this world and my original world, it was so profitable to trade with foreign cultures. Both sides would have contrasting views of the price of items. Naturally, both sides would end up feeling like they “incredibly profited.” That particular lucky merchant felt that he profited in obtaining two White Dragons for a vegetable knife and cutting board. Meanwhile, the Baby White Dragons’ original owner felt that he had swindled this outsider merchant, being able to obtain a family treasure quality weapon in exchange for two gluttonous beasts that required several more decades to mature and might not even be tamable.

“…Let’s hurry and go visit the next tribe. It’s said that the Fain tribe are the descendants of Frost Giants. There are even giant lolis there! Doesn’t our boss love this type of thing? If we give him one, perhaps our boss will personally reward me.”

“Roland is a lolicon? Where did you hear this?”

“Of course he’s a lolicon! Why else would he collect so many Baby Dragons? Do you really think we can wait that many decades for these Baby Dragons to grow up and become usable? Haven’t you seen that Boss Roland used his magic to turn most of these Baby Dragons into little girls that call him Daddy every day? Didn’t you know that even Lady Harloys was forced to transform into a little girl in front of him before? Lady Harloys personally told me this.”

From a certain standpoint, Roland’s reputation was becoming stranger and stranger by the day. This was the fault of his subordinates, particularly a certain silly cat.

“Ohhh! No wonder he has such a good relationship with Her Highness Reyne and Her Highness Glina. Her Highness Glina even loves to sit on his shoulder.”

“Hmph! Let me tell you some secret news. This time, Her Highness Glina didn’t come with us because she’s now pregnant with His Highness Roland’s child. Their child will become the future leader of the People of the Mist, which is a wonderful piece of news.”

“Ah, I’m from East Mist, which means it’s not as good news for me. Doesn’t that mean that Her Highness Reyne is losing out? Which of our countries will become the main Mist Family’s country… but isn’t Her Highness Glina not even an adult yet? She looks just like a little girl. Can she even give birth?”

“I know! That’s why I said His Highness Roland is a lolicon. Actually, all major personages have their hobbies—I understand, I understand how it is. Right, would you like to participate in a little bet? The current bet is that Her Highness Glina will first give birth to Roland’s child with odds of 1 : 0.5, and the odds that Her Highness Reyne will first give birth to Roland’s child is 1 : 2.”

“You understand how it is, you say? Sure, whatever you say. There’s no betting on neither of them giving birth to his child?”

“Yeah, you could bet on that as well. It has odds of 1 : 7. You’ll surely get rich if you win with this bet. But how could it be possible? His Highness Roland is no idiot. If he has babies with both of them, both countries will belong to him. The Mist Family will formally incorporate both East Mist and Sleuweir. These two countries can then form a new country, which will benefit us People of the Mist the most. Even an uneducated man like me knows this.”

“Yep, I’m going to bet all my gold coins on this 1 : 7 bet, that neither of them will give birth to Roland’s children. If you can’t pay my rewards, I’m going to take my winnings from your salary until you die!”

“This voice? Ah! Your Highness Roland!?!?”

Alright then. When I heard that there was a huge amount of rare magic minerals, I personally came here to check things out. Yet the first thing I heard was all this random gossip. No wonder others were looking at me with stranger and stranger looks recently.

I let go of the young brat whose mouth I was covering. Actually, I had been eavesdropping for quite a while. I originally wanted to understand the morale of my basic soldiers, but as always, these young brats gave me a “nice surprise.”

“Damned Harloys!! Damned rumors!”

I could understand that lower-level troops would always have strange impressions of their higher-ups. Gossiping about a hated boss or the boss’s scandalous rumors was one of the best methods to establish a good relationship with coworkers. But the prerequisite was that you couldn’t let the boss hear you…

I walked away with a dark expression, but I didn’t intend to punish these two gossipers.

Although I didn’t care enough to punish them, the price for them making me annoyed was that I would let them panic about potential punishment for a few days. It felt nice, being the boss who could abuse his authority like that.

Seeing their cart filled with magical metals, I could only sigh in exclamation about other things. Meanwhile, the silly cat suddenly appeared, not caring about my foul mood.

“…Didn’t you say that you intended to use force to obtain experimental subjects?”

“Do you think that using force will be quicker than this? Right, Harloys, come over here. I just obtained a precious teardrop gem. You’ll definitely love it.”

“…Do you really believe that I’m an idiot, dear Princess Peach? I’m actually the host of that gamble. I’ll come over if you promise not to use your sword… no, don’t use your hammer, either! Save me! This is cat abuse! If you come any closer, I’ll transform into my loli form and start screaming! Your reputation will be completely ruined once your subordinates see this!”

“Crossdresser, main character of porn books with heavy tastes, main model of popular Princess Peach artwork, lolicon, Beifeng’s friend… what reputation do I even have left with all of that being said about me! Go ahead and scream! Nobody will be coming to save you even if you scream your throat hoarse!”

“Hoarse, hoarse!”

“Hah, what a terrible joke that is…”

“Your Highness, what’s the matter…”

“Your Highness, please slowly enjoy yourself. We shall be excusing ourselves right away.”

Alright then, I suppose that I now needed to think of a method to bribe these two young merchants. At the very least, I couldn’t allow my reputation to sink to Beifeng’s level!

******

“I’m truly delighted that all of you remembered to return. But can you tell me why you’re so late? Even if you met with difficulties, why wasn’t there even a single message?”

My “treasure-hunting team” had just returned and was standing in front of my experimental laboratory. Judging from their haggard expressions and dirt on their clothes, it seemed that they hadn’t rested well in their travels.

Right when I asked why they were so late, raging fires appeared in all their eyes as they glared in unison at the seemingly innocent Dracon who stood there with a blank expression on his face.

Should I say that it was to be expected? I helplessly rubbed my forehead. Recently, I had been overworking myself late into the night. I’d already heard so many strange pieces of news, being angered so much that my heart received too much stimulation. Should I put this off until later? Why not receive this news, which would surely make me suffer, some other time?

Everyone was glaring at him, his companions about to jump over and kill him. No, someone was already unsheathing their sword. Even Beifeng was beginning to break out in a cold sweat.

Finally, he uttered one comment.

“…Everyone was too passionate.”

Alright, there was no more need for clarification. Obviously, it would be something ridiculous.

However, once Diana and the others told me what happened, I learned that apart from the troubles caused by Beifeng, they really did meet with actual trouble. And some of this trouble happened to interest me.

Note:

[1] ED/N: Titan Giant = Titan. It will be used so often, so it feels right to shorten it. Again, “That Titan Giant is beating up Beifeng” is equivalent to “That Titan is beating up he-who-shall-not-be-named.