Chapter 257 - What Makes Me Pathetic
Chapter 257 – What Makes Me Pathetic
Jiang Li smiled. "Strange, right? A husband should be protecting his wife from the world, not himself. But you have no idea how crazy I am for you. That's why I beat the shit out of Lai Chang two years back. You are my territory and he was invading it. Truth to be told, I wanted to kill that bastard. But you stopped me because his family was close to yours."
She shivered.
"I was afraid of becoming a beast, Lanying. If you ever said that you don't want me anymore, I would snatch away your freedom in an instant. I would lock you up in a place where you would not have any scope of thinking about anybody else. The only man in your life must be me. So, I thought that instead of letting you go and seeing you with another man, it was better that you live with me and never become a mother. Cruel, am I not?" He smiled.
He slowly clenched his fist and the smile vanished from his lips. "This is what makes me even more pathetic. I am a selfish bastard through and through. I should be thinking of your happiness and letting you free from a miserable childless life. But I love you so much that I want you to live a childless life rather than leaving me. So, I distanced myself from you even more because I realized that I don't care about you at all. I pitied you for marrying a man like me," he self-deprecatingly laughed. "I only care about my feelings and that is to have you by side whether you like it or not."
Jiang Li laughed and laughed until a tear slid down his cheek. "I am not a good husband, Lanying. I am horrible. I am the worst. I can only give you sadness and pain, yet I want you to embrace it and keep living with me. I want you to live a sorrowful life with me instead of a happy life with another man. I want you to be with me even if it takes away the smile from your lips…I am-"
His words failed to escape as Jiang Lanying covered his lips with her palm. He stiffened, seeing the tears stream down her cheeks and he shuddered, seeing the blazing emotion in her eyes that he never saw before.
She was happy. She was extremely happy to finally know his emotions and love for her. She always misunderstood that he was compromising his happiness by marrying her. But she never knew the deep possesiveness he held for her. This was what she always wanted from him. To love her as much she loved him. His obsession overwhelmed her heart to the brim. His jealousy made her feel cherished.
But at the same time, the grief he silently suffered broke her heart and also…
"You know, Li?" She softly spoke with a quiet voice. "Lixue is right. You are really an idiot."
His brow twitched.
Damn cousin Wei's wife insulted me in front of Lanying!?
She withdrew her hand and stared at him. "Tell me one thing. If I had been unable to give you a child, if I had problems in me, would you have thought about marrying another woman for the sake of a child?"
His gaze darkened. "Here I am talking about locking you up and you think that I will marry some other bitch?"
She choked.
He even cursed the imaginary woman…
"Of course I don't give a fuck if you can give me a child or not. I married you because I love you, not to make you a child bearing machine for me. If I just wanted a child, I would have married any random shit."
To sum it up, any woman other than Jiang Lanying was good for nothing to him.
Her heart skipped several beats and it fluttered in joy.
"So then why did you think that I wouldn't want you anymore because you wouldn't be able to give me one?"
He gritted his teeth. "Because I am fine with not having a child, but you are clearly not. I know you want a child. That's why you asked me if I wanted one or not too. Don't you dare deny and go back on your words to keep my heart! You wish to have a child and it's not a wrong wish to have. What else should I feel when I am incapable?"
Jiang Lanying was stupefied.
"Li, it's true that I have felt at times how good it would be if we had our own child. I do wish to become a mother."
He ground his teeth hard and looked away.
"But I want to become the mother of your child, not some other man. I married you for the same reason as why you married me. Because I love you. If it's not you, then there is no meaning to having a child."
His lips parted and closed as he gathered his thoughts. "Your feelings are just for now…We have only been married for two years. How long will you be able to bear this? We have our whole life ahead of us. Five years, ten years…will you be able to say the same thing after ten years? How long will you suppress and kill your feelings to protect mine? One day you would definitely feel that-"
"Feel what, Li?" Jiang Lanying asked, feeling hurt and judged. "That it's better to leave you and marry someone else? Li. Do you think that my feelings for you are so shallow?"
He froze. "I-I didn't mean that."
"This is exactly what you mean…" she bit her lip. Her wet eyelashes trembled. "How could you think that I will selfishly leave you because of this? You are misunderstanding my desire, Li. I do wish to have a child. But the father of my child matters to me as much as my child himself. You are as important to me as the little life I would hold in my belly. I love you. That's why I married you and that's why I want to have your child. If you always thought that I would be so shallow to dump you because of your problems then you have hurt me, Li… You have hurt me a lot!"