The Monk That Wanted To Renounce Asceticism

Hence, for One Finger Monastery’s future, Fangzheng could only encourage his disciples to hold out.

But at that moment, Salted Fish ran in and grunted. “I can’t hold out any longer! Those fellows are molesters! F**k, none of them bowed, kowtowed, or gave me any lucky money even when seeing an elder like me. Instead, they came and touched me all over! Worst of all, someone even stuffed a coin into my mouth! Do they think I’m some longevity turtle?” As he spoke, he spat out a shiny coin.

Upon hearing that, an idea came to Fangzheng as he immediately smiled.

Salted Fish shuddered as he had an ominous foreboding. He hurriedly turned and walked off, saying, “Forget it. The backyard is too quiet. I’m not used to it. I’ll go to the front yard…”

“Wait!” Fangzheng suddenly cried out.

Salted Fish immediately ran.

Fangzheng yelled, “Jingxin, catch him!”

Ten minutes later, under the bodhi tree of One Finger Monastery, there was a table. On the table sat a salted fish. His tail was tied like how a person would be tied by the legs. His fins were pressed together. Around him was a huge fence made of Frost Bamboo.

Salted Fish wasn’t idling either. As he pressed his fins together, he was chanting something. It sounded like Buddhist scriptures, but no matter how close one was, one couldn’t hear what he was saying.

However, if anyone could understand what he was saying, it would be: “Darn monk, cursed monk, bastard monk, son-of-a-b*tch monk…”

There was a piece of paper hanging from the offering table. On it were the words: “The salted fish is having fun. Throwing money or praying to him is useless!”

Squirrel peeked his head out from the backyard and looked towards the bodhi tree. He whispered to Fangzheng, “Master, why did you write that? If you had written like Salted Fish said—descent of a divine fish; ask and have your wishes fulfilled—we’d probably earn more money!”

Fangzheng grunted. “Do you think This Penniless Monk is such a person? Would I lie? Humph! This Penniless Monk views that with contempt!”

Squirrel smacked his lips. “Then what are you doing?”

Fangzheng chuckled. “Just watch in silence.”

By the side, Red Boy arranged everything. He pressed his palms together at the crowd and said, “This is One Finger Monastery’s Guardian Protector, Salted Fish. He comes from Mount Numinous and has heard Buddha Gautama preach the scriptures. Today, with so many devotees here, he wishes to shower his blessings on everyone. This is only his way of showering blessings. Make sure not to throw money at him or offer incense. It’s all useless.”

Everyone’s eyes lit up when they heard that.

From Mount Numinous? Had heard Buddha’s preaching of the scriptures?

Everyone was obviously doubtful!

However, with Salted Fish being able to move about like a person and chant scriptures, that was miraculous enough. Hence, a crowd soon gathered around him.

Upon seeing this, Red Boy’s mind was filled with endless questions. Why would his greedy master not seize such a good chance to earn more money?

By the time Red Boy turned and took a few steps, he heard a clunk behind him. It was as though a metallic object had landed on something hard! Red Boy looked back, but he couldn’t see anything due to the wall of people.

All he heard was someone say, “Wasn’t it said that throwing money was useless? Why did you throw the coin?”

“Who believes that it’s useless? We haven’t thrown any coins at the turtle that has been placed there for more than a decade. But this is a talking fish! Do you think it’s really useless?”

“That makes sense!”

“I’ll throw some!”

“Me too!”

Instantly, there were all kinds of tinkling sounds. Red Boy was puzzled as there weren’t any golden objects inside. How could such sounds be produced? With a slight jump, he soared into the air and finally saw what was happening. Red Boy nearly burst out laughing at the sight!

Everyone was throwing the coins at Salted Fish’s body, striking his scales and producing the metallic clunk. There were also all sorts of coins—both big and small—that were pouring down like snowflakes. Just a moment before, Salted Fish was seated alone on the table, but in an instant, the table was covered with coins. There was even a red hundred-yuan bill stuck to Salted Fish’s head. From that angle, it looked quite joyous.

When Salted Fish saw Red Boy, he rolled his eyes at him and blew at his whiskers. He continued chanting. “Cursed monk, bastard monk, son-of-a-b*tch monk, bad disciple…”

Red Boy was unfazed hearing that. Instead, he subconsciously looked at the back door and saw a bald head looking over suspiciously. After the baldy saw the crowd throw the money, he grinned and left.

Red Boy hurriedly ran over, and once he entered, he closed the door and asked, “Master, are these people crazy? We already said it was useless, yet they continue throwing money.”

Squirrel was puzzled as well. “Master, do these people have too much money to spare? Or are they illiterate?”

Lone Wolf said in all seriousness, “I’ve said it many times. Master, you shouldn’t write in a line. It looks nice, but it affects the reading experience.”

Monkey glanced at Lone Wolf and said, “Eldest Senior Brother, how many words would you be able to read even if they were written one stroke at a time?”

Lone Wolf immediately gave him a ferocious glare…

Fangzheng couldn’t be bothered with the two clowns. Instead, he explained to Squirrel and Red Boy, “This is a weakness of human nature. Everyone knows that greed is an original sin, but no one has the means to reject it. It isn’t only One Finger Monastery; even for the other monasteries, you will realize that people are very prone to giving money. It’s as though they believe Buddha will protect them if they throw money…

“Think about it. There’s the Ten Thousand Buddha Hall behind Salted Fish. They didn’t enter the hall to seek Buddha’s help but instead used money to throw at a fish… Isn’t this a classic example of keeping the glittering casket and giving back the pearls to the seller?”

Squirrel said, “Master, so you were using this to scam them of their money?”

“What are you saying? Master is teaching them a lesson,” Monkey said.

Fangzheng smiled and shook his head. “We can’t use this money. Find some time to donate it.”

“Uh, Master, when did you change character?” Lone Wolf asked in astonishment.

Fangzheng said, “I like money, but the money needs to come in an honest and overboard manner. This is what it means to have honor among thieves.”

“Uh… In that case, the money ultimately isn’t ours?” Red Boy asked bitterly.

Fangzheng nodded. “You can say that. But this money can help even more people. It’s also a meritorious deed.”

That’s right. Fangzheng never had any plans on keeping the money for himself, but to use it for charity. This way both him and the donors would reap merit. This was also the best use for such money.

After knowing that they couldn’t use the money, the disciples lost their interest. When they walked past the money pile, all of them wore looks of insouciance as though it was nothing but useless pieces of paper. Immediately, it amazed the devotees. This garnered plenty of kudos on the Internet, adding to the halo of One Finger Monastery.

This was something even Fangzheng hadn’t expected, so he cried out. “What I lost on the swings, I gained on the roundabouts! Haha, I made a killing!”

Just as Fangzheng was in exuberance, he received a phone call.