The Monk That Wanted To Renounce Asceticism

Fangzheng was not enticed by it as he said disapprovingly, “But I won’t go. It’s better to return home and make a net than to long for fish by the waterside. By the way, did you dot your i’s and cross the t’s?” Fangzheng changed the topic of conversation.

That was how Fangzheng was. He never aimed too high without the ability to match it or lost himself to daydreaming. He was pragmatic! He could learn from his mistakes by looking to the past. By doing things well today, he could grasp the future. If one only tiptoes to look at the distant mountains, one will never reach the summit.

After Red Boy’s patient explanation, Fangzheng finally understood how qi cultivation was done. Deep into the night, Fangzheng sat cross-legged in bed and began regulating his breathing.

The next day at dawn, Fangzheng woke up, and he woke up Monkey, Red Boy, and company too.

Red Boy rubbed his eyes as he asked, “Master, what are we doing so early in the morning?”

“Nothing. I plan on taking you down the mountain. Of course, you can choose to stay here if you do not wish to go.”

“I’m going!” Red Boy immediately turned spirited when he heard that he could leave the mountain.

“Then hurry up and make your preparations,” said Fangzheng with a smile.

Red Boy hurriedly ran back and after he washed up, he came out, exuberant. He wore his blue monk robes and appeared especially sharp.

Monkey kept following Fangzheng while Squirrel hugged an acorn, euphemistically calling it his breakfast. All Lone Wolf did was take a leak and he was done with his preparations.

Fangzheng waved his hand when he saw everyone was ready. They then collectively went down the mountain.

“Master, what’s there to do down the mountain today?” asked Squirrel in his naive curiosity.

“There’s a festival today. I’m bringing you to experience a festival of humans,” said Fangzheng in all seriousness, but his eyes had a maleficent smile.

“Master, didn’t you say it was the Double Seventh Festival or the Chinese Valentine’s Day? If we go down the mountain now, aren’t we going to be tortured as single dogs?” Red Boy naturally knew quite a bit from his daily surfing on the Internet.

However there was someone who did not go on the Internet, such as…

“What has the torturing got to do with me?” asked Lone Wolf adorably.

Fangzheng, Red Boy: “…”

Fangzheng pulled the conversation back to its topic. “Experiencing the secular world is also a form of cultivation. Today, we will be entering hell and experiencing what it feels like to be tormented as single dogs. Sigh…”

Squirrel looked adorable as he had no idea what Fangzheng meant. Lone Wolf did not understand either, but he felt his a**hole tighten. He had a nagging feeling that he would be tormented. Monkey thought nothing of it. All he needed to do was follow his master and learn from him. Meanwhile he would secretly memorize Fangzheng’s every word and action before mimicking him. Red Boy gave a look of enlightenment, but he did not care!

However, was that really the case?

By the time they reached the foot of the mountain, the sky had just lit up. Fangzheng saw Wang Yougui riding his motorcycle over, and behind him was a huge cardboard box.

“Patron Wang, good morning.” Fangzheng went forward and greeted with a bow.

Wang Yougui laughed out loud. “Abbot Fangzheng, morning. What brings you here?”

Fangzheng smiled. “Fragrance. Patron, you went out so early. Did you bring something nice back?”

Wang Yougui blushed as he chuckled. “Well, it’s the Double Seventh Festival today, so I bought some gifts for my wife. I’m learning from the young folks to be romantic.”

Fangzheng looked over and immediately laughed. There was a huge bouquet of roses in the box. He pressed his palms together. “Amitabha. Patron, you are really moving with the times. Impressive.”

“Scram, don’t you tell anyone, or I’ll break your legs.” Wang Yougui blushed. Typically, old couples in the village were considered fashionable if they gave clothes. He was definitely one of the first to gift roses. If word spread, he felt that he would be on the village headlines the next day.

Moments after Wang Yougui entered his house, Fangzheng and company heard the ecstatic joy of Wang Yougui’s wife. She also scolded him. “Old man! How old are you. Why are you giving this to me!? Aren’t you ashamed!? It’s a waste of money. Get a refund! I don’t want it! Aiyah! What are you doing? Why are you kneeling?”

“Dear, it’s been hard on you all these years!”

“Jerk, I’m glad you know.”

“Dear, come, give me a kiss.”

…

Upon hearing such a nauseating exchange, Fangzheng, Lone Wolf, Squirrel, and Red Boy quivered. When they imagined the scene between the two, they quivered another time.

Squirrel said bitterly, “Master, I’m panicking from fear. Why is it so scary?”

Lone Wolf added. “Humans are indeed scary. Just hearing those words makes me want to pee…”

“Master, I think I’ll return,” said Monkey.

Fangzheng rolled his eyes, and he could not be bothered to respond to them. This was only just the beginning. There was still a lot more waiting for them.

Squirrel asked curiously when he saw Fangzheng’s silence. “Master, that flower is really beautiful. What does gifting flowers entail?”

“Silly. That represents love, fiery love. Forget it, you won’t understand even if I explain it to you,” said Red Boy as he shook his head.

However Squirrel rolled his eyes at him. “Isn’t it just finding a partner? Humans are quite speechless-rendering. When we seek partners, we give pine nuts. If there’s enough food, there’s no female squirrel that cannot be taken down.”

Lone Wolf said, “All we need is to be strong. When you’re strong, the female wolves will come to you in hordes. Snatch whichever you want. It’s much easier than with you guys.”

Monkey nodded. “It’s about the same for us. However, it still needs some effort.”

Red Boy scoffed. “Tch… It’s still most comfortable for a king like me. Thinking back to those days, my mother prepared for me three thousand maidservants, eight hundred consorts just after I was born…”

Dong! Dong dong dong!

A series of loud raps sounded. Fangzheng had rapped each of them on the head as he snorted coldly, “Cut the bragging. All of you are monks now. Women have nothing to do with you in the future. All this discussion is for nothing. Today, your responsibility is to watch!”

“What are we watching?” Squirrel held his head as he asked with welling tears.

Fangzheng enunciated each word sonorously. “Watch others flirt! Let chicks show off their pictures or boyfriends and their love! Hugs and kisses!”

“Pfft!” Squirrel nearly spat out the acorn in his mouth.

Monkey pressed his palms together. “Master, I suddenly recalled that the yard has not been swept clean. Why don’t I return to sweep the ground.” After seeing the flamboyant show of love by an aged couple, the goosebumps he felt almost popped out. If he continued watching, Master would even suspect if his Buddhistic heart was sufficiently firm.

Red Boy said as well, “Master, my stomach hurts. I need to return to use the toilet.”

Squirrel was just about to open his mouth when Fangzheng swept his eyes over and interrupted him. “Jingzhen, a monk doesn’t lie. I’ll give you another chance to reorganize what you have to say. What were you about to say?”

Monkey trembled when he saw Fangzheng’s sinister smile. “Well… Master. I will follow closely behind you. Amitabha…”

Fangzheng then looked at Red Boy and smiled. “My dear disciple, I’m fair. I’m also giving you another chance to reorganize what you have to say.”

“Master, go ahead and walk boldly! I will definitely not fall behind!” Red Boy quickly expressed his stand.

Fangzheng nodded his head in satisfaction. Then he looked at the agape Squirrel. “Jingkuan, what did you want to say?”