The Monk That Wanted To Renounce Asceticism

Salted Fish was about to say something when he saw Fangzheng staring at him sternly. “Either I ride you as a flying fish, step on you in Kinetic Fish Flight, or I throw you to the police and let them have salted fish slices tonight!”

“Fine, but… Do you really think my Dharmic powers can carry you?” Salted Fish scoffed.

Fangzheng was taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“What do I mean? I don’t have enough Dharmic powers. I can’t carry a person in flight,” Salted Fish said.

Fangzheng believed that Salted Fish was making excuses. Red Boy was able to fly him everywhere, so why would it be difficult for Salted Fish? For the first time, Fangzheng regretted not bringing Red Boy with him. Therefore, Fangzheng scoffed angrily. “Are you saying that you are basically useless?”

His sentence sounded threatening towards the end.

When Salted Fish heard that, he said hurriedly, “Sliced into pieces, right? Fine, I surrender. Sit tight!”

With that said, Salted Fish stood up and Fangzheng was thrown to the ground.

“You can fly now?” Fangzheng asked with his eyes wide.

“Fly, my ass! An ancestor like me will give it his all for you—by running! If you aren’t afraid of dying, come on up. An ancestor like me will carry you!” Salted Fish flicked his whiskers and said indignantly.

Fangzheng was stunned. He looked at Salted Fish’s tiny body in a daze. Salted Fish wasn’t big, about the length of an arm. But neither was he short. If he lay down, he could barely be used as a skateboard. Maybe he could be stepped on or ridden like that. However, Fangzheng remembered that this guy was a fish! Were fish able to swim with their bodies flat? Once this guy straightened himself, riding on him would… Fangzheng felt his a**hole tighten.

However, compared to riding Salted Fish, the idea of being carried by him stumped Fangzheng even more. With his little figure, Salted Fish stood up and bent his back. It looked like he was serious, but how was he going to carry him with that build of his? Fangzheng looked at Salted Fish’s smug look and clearly, the fellow wasn’t planning on carrying him but stumping him.

Fangzheng was indeed stumped. But with a sweep of his gaze, he discovered that Salted Fish had two fish fins above and two fish fins below. He just didn’t use the two below.

Fangzheng smiled inwardly. This would do!

When Salted Fish saw Fangzheng’s smile, he had an ominous foreboding. The next moment…

The roads were jammed due to the hostage situation. Many drivers were impatiently sounding their horns to no avail.

A plump baldy was holding his steering wheel while on the phone. “You don’t have to call me ‘Sir’. Sister—man, I’m already calling you Sister—can’t the traffic police be faster? I haven’t moved a meter in half an hour! My salary today will probably be deducted completely! This sports car of mine is being slower than a turtle right now! Hold on? Uhm… Wait a moment. Can I ask a question?”

“Go ahead, Sir.” The person on the other end of the line was very warm as she asked without any signs of anger.

The fatty rubbed his bald head and looked at his rear mirror. He gulped and asked, “Does riding a personal transportation vehicle on the road deduct points? Is there a fine for it?”

“It depends on the situation,” the person said patiently.

“Then do the traffic laws say what the penalty is for riding a fish on a car lane?” the baldy asked in disbelief.

The person on the other end of the line was taken aback, clearly not comprehending the baldy. “What do you mean?”

Then the baldy rubbed his head and yelled, “Holy sh*t! I saw a monk ride a fish and go past me! His speed was at least 80, no—90, no—a hundred kilometers an hour! F**k, what’s happening. That fish looks like a salted fish!”

“Ahem. Sir, the vehicle you see might be a salted fish personal transportation vehicle?”

“Vehicle, my ass! That thing doesn’t have any wheels, its fins are split, and they’re gyrating as it runs. It looks freaking sexy, and it runs f**king fast!”

“Doo… Doo…” The person on the other end of the line finally gave up on being patient before mumbling. “I can patiently answer your questions, but is it fun teasing me? I’m not a woman in the first place, so why call me Sister? Sister, my ass!”

The moment he put down the phone, it ran again. When he picked up, he heard the other part scream without him being able to say a word. “Heavens! A demon! Is this under your jurisdiction? A fish is on the road!”

“Uh, you need to get the people from the Ministry of Ecology and Environment for that.”

“The problem is that the fish has a person on it, and it’s running faster than a horse!”

“Doo… Doo…” The man said angrily, “What the hell is wrong with these people? They keep teasing me using different people.”

At that moment, he heard a colleague grumble. “Idiot. Fish on the road? Why don’t you say a pig is in the trees? I’d be a fool to believe you.”

But the moment that was said, a few of the call center workers exchanged looks and said in unison, “You guys received such phone calls as well?”

It could be a prank call if it happened to one person, but for all of them to receive such calls… F**k! The few of them felt sweat pouring out of their pores as they hurriedly returned the calls to verify the situation.

At this moment in time on the road, a monk was stepping on Salted Fish’s bottom fins and holding two of his whiskers like he was a racing horse jockey. His ass was raised up and his back bent while he raced through the streets at blazing fast speeds.

Fangzheng chuckled and shouted. “Giddy-up! Giddy-up!”

Salted Fish’s face turned grim, and he remembered what he had done not much earlier. He had shouted the same thing in high spirits and joy then, but a mere while later, the situation had been reversed. He thought bitterly, “Sigh, every dog has its day.”

Just as Fangzheng was feeling pleased, he suddenly noticed something amiss. Why was everyone around him looking at him? Could it be? Fangzheng smacked the fish’s head. “You didn’t turn us invisible?”

“You didn’t ask to be invisible while riding!” Salted Fish yelled.

“I…” Fangzheng wanted to curse out loud. This was trouble! However, just as Fangzheng was racking his brains, he immediately cast A Golden Millet Dream and after the onlookers were placed in a momentary daze…

“Bro, don’t spout nonsense. I took a good look, and it’s just a self-balancing scooter in the shape of a salted fish. The wheels are hidden beneath the fins. It was just difficult to see it at a glance. Those people missed it because that bastard ran too fast and because there was a traffic jam,” a traffic policeman reported.

“Phew, I thought so…” A sigh sounded from the other end of the line.

Meanwhile, Fangzheng heaved a sigh of relief and thought to himself, “Thankfully I was quick to react. Otherwise, if we reached the headlines, we’d be dissected.”

Fangzheng shook his head and held his cell phone to check their location on his GPS. He smacked the fish’s head. “Turn left!”

Before long, Fangzheng arrived at the entrance to the hospital. He then wrapped up Salted Fish in black cloth again, put it behind him, and slowly entered the hospital. After inquiring, he learned about the situation of the salesperson named Qiu Yu.

Qiu Yu was still in the operating room, but his situation wasn’t optimistic.

Fangzheng immediately ran to the operating room, and seeing no one around, he smacked the fish’s head and turned invisible. Before long, he rushed in when a nurse came out. Seeing Qiu Yu lying on the operating table, Fangzheng could tell what was wrong with him using his present knowledge of herbal medicine. The nail had happened to get lodged in a crevice where the man’s nerves were. Slight motion from the nail would very likely damage the brain. Therefore, the surgeon was being very careful. He didn’t dare make any tiny mistake.

This was an extremely difficult problem for ordinary people to solve, but as for Fangzheng…