The Monk That Wanted To Renounce Asceticism

“Master, this is the first time I’ve ever seen people ask others to beat them. From the looks of it, these three really are sick, and it’s rather serious.” Red Boy held back his laughter as he pointed at his head, implying that the trio was sick in the head.

They turned red in anger in return.

Upon hearing that, everyone roared with laughter.

Someone in the crowd laughed softly and said, “As expected of Master Frivolous! He’s really frivolous! When given permission to beat, he beats, and he does so with great aplomb!”

The rest giggled as well as they supported Fangzheng. “Master is really kind. He beats upon request, and he does it so well!”

“This was a first for me, even at my age, to see someone asking to be hit. Now that Master has satisfied their request, they should be feeling good.”

“Indeed, there are all kinds of fish in the sea. There are all kinds of turtles if the lake is big enough! These turtles… Ahem, they’re really different. In situations like this, you should sing: ‘You are different, you are different’ ¹ …”

Upon hearing this, the trio’s faces went from red to green. They nearly turned into green turtles, and their fists were clenched tightly. The woman gritted her teeth and said, “Fine, all of you want to see who’s more ruthless and shameless?”

With that said, the woman collapsed to the ground and shouted. “Ouch! My head! It hurts! My head… This goddamn monk is assaulting me… Call the cops!”

“Yes, yes, yes! Call the cops! The monk is assaulting us!” the sallow-skinned man shouted as well.

Instantly, the two began tumbling on the ground as they began calling the police.

When everyone saw this scene, they frowned. They had never seen people so shameless before. But on second thought, this was quite troublesome. If this really dragged on, the lesson couldn’t be continued and time would be wasted on them. The doctors stomped their feet in anxiety, but they were unsure of how to deal with these ruffians.

At this moment, the policemen squeezed over from the crowd. With such a huge event, the police had always been around maintaining order. Therefore, the police immediately came over when they heard that someone was up to no good. When the policemen saw these people acting like crooks on the ground, one of them frowned. However, he professionally went over and asked, “How are you? Are you alright?”

Upon seeing the police, the two scoundrels on the ground cried out even more tragically. The woman wailed too. “I can’t take it anymore! It caused a brain aneurysm! I can’t stand up anymore. Ouch! It hurts… My mind is groggy.”

The sallow-skinned man shouted as well. “I can’t take it either. My mind is groggy. I can’t stand up anymore!”

The policeman had seen plenty of such people before, but he couldn’t deny that it was thorny dealing with people like them. The policeman crouched down and said, “Shall I get a doctor to check on you? There’s plenty of doctors here.”

“Sir, there’s no need. These two are faking it,” a doctor said with scorn.

“How can you say that? Don’t you have an iota of medical ethics? They are already like that and here you are cracking wise?” the sick man said angrily.

The doctor’s face instantly flushed red from the scolding. Just as he was about to provide a rejoinder, he heard the sick man continue. “Sir, it’s this monk who hit us. Are you not going to do something about this?”

The policeman also looked at Fangzheng, having been placed in a difficult position. Then he looked at the sick man. “Are they really unable to get up?”

“I can’t! I can’t! I’m seeing stars… I think I’m dying!” the woman yelled.

The sallow-skinned man added. “I no longer feel my arms and legs. That blow was just too ruthless. I’m definitely severely injured.”

Just as the policeman was about to say something, a Buddhist proclamation sounded. “Amitabha. Patrons, are you sure you can’t stand up?”

The moment they saw Fangzheng ask them the same question, their first thought was that he was afraid. They immediately nodded. “That’s right. We can’t stand up. We know our bodies best. There’s no way we can stand up!”

Fangzheng smiled and asked, “Really?”

When Fangzheng looked at them, the two immediately felt an odd feeling. Apparently, this monk wasn’t afraid at all! Could it be that he had something up his sleeve?

But following that, they calmed down. Regardless of any means he might have, they just had to keep feigning illness and not get up. They would still be injured even if a god came. Your inability to find our problem is due to your lack of medical skills!

With this in mind, the two immediately nodded.

But before they could fully nod, they felt something cold by their asses. The two subconsciously looked over and saw a snake slithering over straight for the holes in their pants!

At that instant, they felt their scalps tingle, and they widened their eyes in horror. There wasn’t even time for them to shout, much less consider how there could be a snake appearing in winter instead of being in hibernation.

Almost at the same time, the two jumped up and cried. “Snake! Save me!”

The woman jumped around in fright as she kept stamping her feet.

The man was even more afraid. He reached into his pants and kept yanking. As he yanked, he shouted. “It’s inside! It’s inside! Help! Holy sh*t, it’s thick, and it’s becoming huge! I can’t yank it out!”

As he yelled, he discovered that something was amiss. Why did his balls hurt when he yanked? Furthermore, the people around him were looking at him oddly. It wasn’t like they didn’t care what he was doing, but like they were watching a retard’s act!

It was fine if others looked at him that way, but even his companion wore the same look! Immediately, he had an ominous feeling. He carefully touched the ‘snake’ in his hand and slowly felt it. It didn’t seem soft.

“That’s not right! It’s not a snake!” The man suddenly realized something as he looked down, only to blush the next instant. Following that, he held his pants and shouted…

“Grandpa, what’s wrong with that uncle?” a child asked his grandfather.

The elder coughed and ruffled his grandson’s head as he said, “He probably got bitten by a snake.”

Everyone burst out laughing when they heard that. Then they added their own remarks. “Yes, yes, yes. He got bitten by a snake. How pitiful. Hahaha!”

The child looked at the adults in a stupefied manner, mumbling. “He got bitten by a snake, but all of you are laughing. Don’t you have any pity?”

Everyone laughed in greater delight upon hearing that.

Squirrel stood on Fangzheng’s shoulder and asked him, confused, “Master, what’s wrong with him?”

Fangzheng said in all seriousness, “He probably yanked his balls from using too much strength.”

Red Boy added. “I think he was playing pool. He hit two balls with one stick, but the impact was just too great, and the stick broke while his balls burst. That’s probably why it’s so painful.”

Squirrel became even more perplexed, completely failing to understand what Red Boy was saying.

Fangzheng immediately slapped Red Boy. This dirty-minded child! Why is he always saying such indecent stuff? And his lines are all so well-crafted too!

Thankfully, Red Boy had spoken softly and everyone’s attention was on the man. Otherwise, Fangzheng believed that the image of a master he had painstakingly built up would have instantly crumbled.