Book 1: B3 [Non-Canon]: The True Talk Show
Book 1: B3 [Non-Canon]: The True Talk Show
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The audience claps.
“And now for our hosts… Rock and Oleander!” the announcer’s booming voice introduces the trap and the dog, stage lights shining down on them.
“Hello, hello! Welcome to The True Talk Show!” Oleander greets everybody with a wink. His costume looks like something of a mix between a tuxedo and a frilly dress.
Rock barks and lifts one of her paws to “wave.”
“Let’s jump right into it, shall we?” he looks down at Rock whom replies with an approving bark. “Introducing our first guest, Fenrir!”
The curtains peel back to show Fenrir sitting behind a booth. He’s trying his best to look calm and confident but starts blushing the moment the spotlights shine on him.
“Fenny! The audience is just dying to know, what’s up with your legs? We get so many questions asking about them!” Oleander asks.
“Oh, that? Well, in real life, I—” Fenrir starts answering.
The camera switches over to Rock playing with a cannonball by rolling it around the stage and growling at it just loudly enough to drown out Fenrir’s response.
“Huh, I see. I wonder how the audience is going to react when they figure that out! So, which of the girls is your favorite so far?” Oleander asks.
“Rock.”
“So quick! What makes Rock better than Serra and Cass?”
“Rock is a cute puppy. Everybody knows dogs are better than girls.”
“What about better than cute boys who totally make you question your sexuality?”
“Yeah, dogs are pretty much just better than everything and everybody.”
Rock runs to Fenrir, jumps over his booth, and crashes into him out of a show of appreciation for her master!
Oleander doesn’t look nearly as excited about his answer, instead crossing his arms and pouting. “Just don’t let our next two guests hear you say that!”
Fenrir’s face turns gloomy as he gets back up. “Are they… here?”
The screen hanging above the center of the stage reveals Serra and Cassiel sitting on a couch behind stage looking very displeased.
“I – I mean… in terms of dog standards, Rock is definitely the best girl there is,” Fenrir tries correcting himself, but it doesn’t work.
“What if Serra and Cass wear dog ears and a collar for you? Look, our viewers have sent in some kind fanart to illustrate what I mean!” Oleander announces. The screen switches away from Cassiel and Serra to show pictures of them both with floppy dog ears and collars around their necks.
The camera pans back to a blushing Fenrir and a growling Rock.
“What’d’ya think? Eh? Ehhhh?” Oleander questions.
“…can you send me those pictures after this is over?” Fenrir asks.
“Wow! No shame showed by our first guest! I wonder how the two ladies backstage are reacting to this!”
The screen switches back to the girls. Serra is sitting with her face hidden in her hands, but it looks like her blush is shining right through her hands! As for Cassiel—
“Wait, Cass, where’d you get that sword at? There’s no weapons allowed in the studio!”
There is no audio feed to hear what Cassiel is shouting, but she’s definitely shouting something.
The camera refocuses on Oleander. “Alright, now then! I have another question for you, Fenny. It is one that many of our viewers are curious about. Are you a furry?”
Fenrir immediately raises his arms in an X shape in front of him. “Why does everybody think I’m a furry just because I have wolf ears and a wolf tail?! Hasn’t anybody ever heard of inumimis?! Are nekomimis furries? No! And an inumimi is just a dog version of a nekomimi!”
“I think you’re going to start losing our audience if you bring up a bunch of your Japanese terms. Don’t forget that most of our audience isn’t as hardcore of a fan of anime as you are.”
“But it’s important! Look!” Fenrir picks up a pen on his booth to draw on his screen. The stage’s screen switches to show what he’s drawing.
On the left is a regular girl. In the middle is a girl with dog ears and a dog tail. On the right is a girl covered in fur with an elongated snout, ears, and tail. Above the left girl, it says “human,” above the middle says “inumimi (me),” and above the right says “furry.”
“So, in other words, you’re halfway to being a furry?” Oleander asks with a teasing smile on his face.
“There’s a difference! I have no interest in being a furry! I mean, I don’t have any problems with furries, I just really like anime!”
“So, how come you didn’t just make a cute catgirl or something if you’re so obsessed?”
“Because there is a great imbalance between stuff like catgirls and catboys, or in my case, dog girls and dog boys. You know what? Now that we’re on the topic, there’s a huge imbalance between cats and dogs in general. Why are there so many catgirls in anime? Where are all the other kinds of girls? There are some foxgirls every now and then which I appreciate, but where are all the dog girls at?!” Fenrir looks directly into the camera. “Oi! Artists and anime studios and other people with more artistic talent than myself! Draw more dog girls, and more animal guys in general, but mainly more dog girls! And draw them in sweaters! I want to see more dog girls wearing sweaters, especially ones that are too big for them and starting to slip off to show just a bit of skin!”
“Fenny, this is a talk show, not a platform for you to beg for more fap material.”
“That’s not even why I’m begging! I just want to look at cute, sweater-wearing dog girls regardless of whether it’s for sexual reasons or not!”
The camera pans over the audience in the studio. They’re all looking at Fenrir with disgust or judgment.
Even Rock looks disappointed in him.
Fenrir sinks back into his chair and hangs his head.
“I think all the shame has caught up to him. An-y-ways! Let’s go onto our next guest!” The curtain behind the next guest booth is pulled up. “Serra, the totally cute pirate girl!”
Serra blushes and offers a small wave to the camera and audience.
“So, Serra, what do you think of the story so far?” Oleander asks.
“It’s fun,” Serra says with a thumbs-up. “I get to shoot cannons.”
“But we all know you really just want to shoot Fenny’s cannon.”
Serra blushes, but it doesn’t stop her from giggling.
“Not many people have picked up on it, but you’re a total perv when it comes to sexual jokes, aren’t you? Just look!”
The stage screen shows several clips of Serra. Each clip features Serra either snerking or trying to hold back giggling after somebody says something sexual whether they meant to or not. It also puts on display the flirting session between her and Fenrir which really makes her blush. The final clip is one shown of an upcoming scene where Fenrir is requested to show somebody his “tail,” and she’s giggling once more despite it actually being completely innocent.
“What do you have to say for yourself, Serra?” Oleander questions her, tapping his foot with crossed arms.
“Sex jokes are funny,” she answers in a hushed voice, face still red.
“And that’s why I like you so much!” Oleander says, switching his tone and posture to a happy one rather than a displeased one. “By the way, about that little stalking session of yours.”
“I – I wasn’t… I wasn’t stalking you guys! I was just… you said you were going to that place and it made me hungry for it, so I went… too?” Serra tries explaining herself.
Nobody is buying it.
Serra hangs her head just as low as Fenrir is.
“Two down, one to go! Come on out, Cass!” Oleander beckons her. The curtain is pulled up to reveal… an empty booth. “Eh? Where’s Cass at?”
The stage screen shows a transparent tank full of water and hungry sharks. Above it is a man hanging by a thin rope tied around his body with a cloth gag in his mouth. Cass is standing next to the rope with her sword ready to cut it.
“Cass! What did we tell you about bringing weapons into the studio?!” Oleander shouts.
Rock whimpers when she sees the sharks. She doesn’t know why Oleander is only questioning the sword and not the sharks, but she’s not exactly able to question it herself.
“This is the bastard who drew that picture of me!” Cassiel shouts back at him.
Oleander looks into the camera. “Alright, commercial break!”
Please come visit the New Charleston Zoo! The grand aquarium exhibit has recently opened. Experience sea life in person that you won’t get to see anywhere else! We have sharks, manta rays, turtles, jellyfish, and more!
“Alright, we’re back!” Oleander announces. The camera pans over to Cassiel being tied down in her chair. “We had a bit of technical difficulties there, and may or may not be facing a lawsuit now, but we’re back! So, Cass, why do you like thrusting your pole inside of Fenrir so much? Are you into femdom? Do you want to peg him?”
Cassiel’s face burns the brightest red that anybody has seen it yet. She is desperately struggling against her bonds to try and break free so that she can kill Oleander.
“Just kidding! We all know you’re tooootally the secret submissive type, aren’t you?”
“I’m killing you as soon as I get out of this, you bastard!” Cassiel shouts at him.
“You know, I bet that brutish personality of yours is why your relationships keep on failing right away. Maybe if you tried acting nicer and more feminine around the guys you like, you’d keep them longer!” Oleander explains.
His words pierce her core.
Cassiel hangs her head down just like Fenrir and Serra still are.
“Wow, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Anyways, it looks like that’s all for us this week! Do you have anything you’d like to say, Rock?” Oleander asks.
The camera focus on Rock’s face.
She barks.
“I agree! Alright, until next time everybody! Don’t forget to tune in daily at six PM Eastern Standard Time for new episodes of The True Endgame! I’ve heard from the author that some pretty exciting things are going to start happening! Fish will be caught, feels will be felt, and poles will be thrust! One of his favorite characters is being introduced soon, too! But he wants me to let you all know that she is not going to be joining Fenny’s harem of cute girls. He even told me that I’m not allowed to make any sexual jokes about her or else he’ll fire me! Anyways, until next time!”
Credits roll on the screen as the outro music plays. It’s a very happy and cheerful tune, but the despaired expressions of Fenrir, Serra, and Cassiel completely take away from how it sounds. Oleander tries cheering up Serra and Cassiel while Rock places a single paw on Fenrir’s back.