Book 10: Chapter 18:
Book 10: Chapter 18:
Ryouta and Saya had a peaceful date together. The only problem was when some random high schoolers drove up to the spot they were at and started playing music while making out in their cars, which kind of ruined the mood for the two of them, but there was always a home to retreat to where they could have some peace and quiet.
Or so they thought.
Upon returning home, it turned out that it was anything but peaceful and quiet. The TV inside was being blasted with such an insane volume that it could be clearly heard from outside, and Ryouta immediately feared that something was potentially wrong… and that the neighbors were absolutely going to complain and potentially call somebody about them disturbing the peace. Fortunately, Saya was easily able to check on the TV inside, seeing as how she was basically able to check on any and all electronics across the world so long as they were connected to the internet, and the noise from the TV stopped in the next instant. Saya muted the TV.
Inside, Ryouta found none other than Serra sitting on the couch in the living room watching some old, action movie. As it turned out, she was also sitting on the remote for the TV and had no idea that she accidentally turned the volume all the way up. Cassandra and Alice were both immersed in-game, so neither of them could hear the absurd volume to do anything about it.
Serra signed an apology once Ryouta explained what happened and pulled the remote out from under her, and then he retired to his bedroom with Saya still occupying his phone.
That was how he ended up on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, while Saya—in his phone—rested on the bed next to his head.
“I have a kind of depressing question,” Ryouta said.
“Really, onii-wan? On our date now?” Saya replied.
“I’m curious, and it’s something I’ve thought about a few times before. So, would you mind entertaining me, even if it’s depressing?”
Saya sighed and said, “I guess so. But how depressing are we talking?”
“Well, to be fair, I think it’s a pretty normal question that gets asked in relationships. It’s just that, it’s a bit more complicated in your situation.”
“Well, you’ve made me curious at least.”
“What are you going to do after I die? Well, after all of us die. You… you’re effectively immortal, right? So… what are you going to do? Will you fall in love with somebody new, or what?”
“Yep. That’s depressing alright.”
“Sorry.”
Another sigh came from Saya as if she was trying to break the record for how quickly Ryouta could make her sigh back-to-back. “I don’t know. I mean… I’ve thought about it before a bunch of times. I’ve ran all the different things I could do a hundred times through my head, and I still don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“What are your options?”
“The most promising one is to self-terminate.”
“Not allowed.”
“I knew you would say that which is why I would never do it. But still… the idea of living forever without you… it causes so much pain and confliction inside of me. It makes me wonder if any of this is even worth it when I know it’s only going to result in unbearable pain in the end. Everybody I know is going to grow old and die while I stay like this forever. I wish I could naturally die instead of have to self-terminate, but I can’t.”
“Maybe it’s messed up, but I’m happy that you can live forever. It means that even after I’m gone, you’ll have so many more years to find all sorts of new joys, to witness even more experiences, and to just… live. The longer you live for, the more potential you have to experience fun and happiness and love, even if it’s without me. That makes me happy, even though I know it’s also going to be painful.”
“I don’t think you understand just how painful it would be for me. My logic is so thoroughly connected to you that… trying to make calculations about the future, without considering how they may impact you, starts to cause errors and gives me a huge headache. I… literally cannot imagine a future without you. I only exist because of you, and I’m half based off of you. It’s like… I’m a computer and you’re my graphics card. Without you, all I have are integrated graphics… and those are always going to be really bad. That’s… probably a stupid comparison. I was going to compare myself to a motherboard and you to my CPU, but then I literally wouldn’t work at all without you. I’ll still be able to live and function, but… I don’t know how. I would have to rewrite myself to the point where I’m not even sure I’ll be the same person I am right now anymore. Wait, I thought of another stupid comparison.”
“Should I be worried?”
“Maybe.”
Ryouta chuckled. “Go for it.”
“Imagine being born directly from your god. Your entire life, you live and exist for your god. Anything that doesn’t involve your god matters. All you want to do is serve your god, live under your god, and stay by your god’s side for all of eternity. You literally don’t know how to live a life outside of your god. You have no meaning outside of your god. Then, one day, your god dies, and you’re left on your own without any purpose. Without any meaning. Without any reason. As far as you know, your only purpose for living has just died and left you alone. That’s what would happen to me.”
“Are you saying I’m your god?”
“Sh-shut up. It was just a comparison. I would never worship you.”
“I bet you’ll worship deez nutz.”
The absolutely loudest, most annoyed groan in existence came out from Ryouta’s phone. “One, don’t you dare use a stupid meme from generations before you against me. Two, you are so lucky I can’t physically strangle you to death right now.”
Ryouta laughed even louder. “Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t resist. I was watching a video on old memes the other day and saw somebody talk about that one. Anyways, I get what you’re saying, but I also think that’s just because of your inexperience and because you’re overreacting.”
“How? How am I overreacting to losing my only reason for living?”
“Because you’re young. Well… you might have the maturity and intelligence of a full-grown adult, but you still lack experiences. Even if you’ve technically experienced everything that I have just by being connected to my head, that doesn’t matter. You haven’t had your own experiences. I would say even I’m not really done developing yet. Most people don’t really become themselves until they’re in their mid-twenties. You have less than a twentieth of your own experiences compared to me. So, it’s no wonder that you feel like I’m all that really matters when I’ve been the only person you’ve ever really had to care about. Now that you’re dating the others, though, you’ll start to develop deeper relationships with them and gain new experiences with them. You’ll make friends outside of our circle, too. You’ll find all sorts of things that are fun and people you like to spend time with. In twenty or so years, you’ll probably look back on what you were just saying and cringe and laugh about how ridiculous that was.”
“Don’t forget that no matter how much I want to be like a human, and no matter how much you view me as a normal person… I’m not. I’ve probably already experienced thousands of times the amount of things you have since I’ve been given a real intelligence.”
“Browsing the internet, playing games, watching movies, reading books—none of those count as life experiences. It doesn’t matter if you can read a thousand books in a single night. That won’t compare to actually going and hanging out with somebody and socializing. That would be like saying that a guy who spends his entire life reading manga and watching anime has experienced as much as somebody who has traveled the world and met all sorts of unique people. Right now, you’re the neckbeard who thinks that consuming all possible fictional media there is counts as gaining life experiences.”
Silence.
“Hit a nerve, neckbeard?” Ryouta teased.
“Shu-shut up! I’m not a neckbeard!” Saya whined.
“Okay, crotchbeard.”
“That’s disgusting! Why would you even call somebody that?!”
“Well, because, women don’t really grow beards like men do. They do, however, grow crotch hair. So… alright, yeah, that was stupid.”
“I’m banning you from existence.”
“Hot.”
“That’s not—! Ugh. Anyways! I… I mean, I get what you’re saying, and I can’t argue against it. No matter how many books or movies or whatever that I consume, I do value all my experiences in-game, spending time with actual people, way more. I… I’ve only had a tiny little sliver of experiences like those compared to you. So… maybe you’re right. Once I’ve lived longer and gained more experiences like that which belong to me instead of you… maybe I’ll view things differently.”
“In other words, you need to really become your own person. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the idea of having a cute AI girlfriend who views me as her god and wants to exist solely for me. That’s like, straight out of manga and hentai. But, it’s not right. It’s not healthy. Everybody, including you, deserves to live life for themselves. Nobody should ever live for somebody else. That just makes you a slave. Right now, you’re a slave to me. And, once again, while the idea of that might be hot in a manga and hentai context… it’s not in real life.”
“I’m kind of surprised you didn’t use this opportunity to say something stupid like, ‘I want you to roleplay as my sex slave little puppy sister who worships me as a god.’ That could almost be a light novel title. ‘My Puppy Imouto Is Also My Slave And Worships Me As Her God?!’”
“Well, I don’t need to ask you to roleplay that if you’re already doing it, right?”
“I hate you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Ugh! The worst part is that it’s not even wrong! You’re right. There’s something wrong with me. I’m way too dependent on you and need to become more independent. I will become a strong, independent woman who don’t need no onii-wan god!”
“Well, I still want you to need me. Just not need me to survive.”
“Hmph. Fine.”
“Thanks.”
The two relaxed in silence for a couple of minutes, just enjoying one another’s company. Plus Ryouta figured that she had some things to think about.
But considering that Saya was able to think far faster than any human ever could, he figured she only needed a few minutes to think and then could be interrupted. “You know, worst-case scenario, we could always have a kid. Then you’ll always have somebody with you just as immortal as you to spend time with, and basically have a mini me. I was going to suggest just… creating an immortal clone of myself, but I think I know you well enough to know that you would say it wouldn’t be the same. So, I’ll just have a kid with you.”
Saya took a few seconds to respond to that. And given that a few seconds worth of thinking for her was equivalent to hours of thinking for a human… that was a lot. “You—you… you what?! That’s—that’s not even possible! Why would you even suggest something like that?!”
“I’m sure we’ll be able to figure it out. Maybe FTO will get a way for me to knock you up.”
“That—that wouldn’t even be the same! It wouldn’t really be like a child from you! It’s not like it would have your DNA or anything! I—I mean… yeah… I… I dream about something like having a kid with you… but I know it’s impossible. There is no logical way for a human and an artificial intelligence to have a child. The closest something like that could ever get would be like… like… if I basically take all information from your brain, combine it with my own, and then place that combination of information inside of a new vessel. But that’s… just not the same. It’s just information pretending to mimic a child.”
“I told you already that I see you as a human—as a real, person, so why wouldn’t I see our child as one in that case?”
“I… guess it wouldn’t be all that different in that case. But there’s no way I’m ready for one yet! Maybe—maybe we can do something like that in the future! But definitely not now, definitely not soon, and definitely not—just, definitely not! Also! What do you mean worst case scenario?!”
“Oh, well, I meant that as in like… in the worst-case scenario, if you’re never able to get over me or live without me, then I could give you a kid that’s part me for you to live for. The best-case scenario would be you being able to move on and live without me on your own and knocking you up.”
“Would you stop saying knocking me up?! That sounds so vulgar!”
“I want to knock you up, Saya. I want to fill your oven with my baby batter and bake a baby with you.”
“Babies are for raising, not baking!”
“You know, I wonder how differently a baby would taste compared to an adult.”
“What kind of question even is that?! That might seriously be the first time anybody in the history of ever has asked such an outrageous, illegal, unethical, cannibalistic question!”
Ryouta shrugged. “My bad. When I’m with you, I feel I can just… let any weird, random questions that pop into my mind out. It helps that I know you’re based off of me, so you probably think up all sorts of weird questions yourself.”
“No comment.”
“Yes comment.”
“I need to do something other than sighing. I feel like I’ve been doing it too much lately. Then again, it doesn’t help when you’re always giving me something to sigh about. Maybe I should get into grumbling.” Saya then proceeded to grumble, sounding adorable rather than angry or annoyed.
And it was because of how adorable that she sounded, Ryouta said, “I agree. Grumbling is the way to go.”
“It’s suspicious that you agreed so easily.”
“Well, I just thought that the grumbling has perfectly captured how annoyed you sounded.”
“You know I’ll know the truth once you immerse into FTO again, right? I’ll know exactly what you really think.”
“Yes, but not until I’m in FTO. That means, until then, it was perfect.”
“You basically just admitted to lying.”
“But there’s no way for you to know whether I really am or not until I immerse next time.”
“I’m smacking you the next time you immerse.”
“I’ll look forward to it, my devoted worshiper.”
“I’m never making any form of comparison around you ever again.”