Book 11: Chapter 24:
Book 11: Chapter 24:
With the battle over, the defenders triumphant, The Shoebill back where she belonged, and war crimes having been committed in the form of Serra mercilessly slaughtering any surrendered combatants trying not to drown via cannonballs launched into their torsos and faces, The Shoebill returned to her dock in the river running through Nameless.
Despite Serra typically being the one who always looked and sounded lazy when it came to anything other than sex and firing cannons, she looked as if she couldn’t wait to jump off The Shoebill as they pulled up to the dock. And after explaining that she wanted to go check up on everybody to make sure they were alright, that was exactly what she did. Fenrir didn’t even get a chance to secure The Shoebill to her mooring before Serra was running off.
And because Fenrir was in no rush to expend more energy than he already did, he instead sat down on The Shoebill’s deck with his back against her, prompting Saya to join him by sitting next to him.
“Good job,” Fenrir said to Saya now that all the adrenaline was wearing off.
“Thanks, Onii-wan,” Saya replied, letting out a relieved sigh since it was finally over. “But don’t you think we should go check on the others?”
“You hear all those cheers? People wouldn’t be cheering throughout the city if we didn’t win. Besides, we left it in good hands. I’m sure any stragglers are being taken care of as we speak, assuming any are even left.”
“Makes sense.”
“And before we go and get distracted by everything else, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”
Saya tilted her head when she heard the sudden, serious tone in his voice. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s about Kadi.”
Saya immediately groaned when she heard that.
And so, Fenrir explained what happened. He explained her arriving before him and told her about the entire discussion they had, including the fact that Kadi broke the game’s rules by warning him about the upcoming attack.
If it wasn’t for the fact that Saya was technically still part of him and already knew all of that, confirming it was all true, it would have been near impossible to believe it herself.
Now, Fenrir asked, “But why would she warn me? Mary was coming to tell me about it, and Kadi would have known. If I had to try and guess the timeline… then Mary would have already warned Nell about it by the time that Kadi warned me, and then Mary was already on her way to get me to come back. So, warning me was pointless, but she still chose to do it despite basically destroying her neutral credibility by doing so.”
“I… don’t know why she would,” Saya replied. “It doesn’t make any sense to me either. Or… I mean, it kind of does. If I was in her shoes and I still felt how I do about you, I wouldn’t care about the game’s integrity either. I’d just want to help you. And since she doesn’t apparently care about that sort of thing anymore… I might just take a few more liberties here and there from now on. I mean, if she can break the rules like that, then I can, too, right?”
“That’s pretty bold of you.”
“I’m just kidding. Kind of. There are lots of things I haven’t done out of respect for the world and its players even though it would have advantaged you before. And even if I try to do something now, she can still stop me from actually doing it, so it’s not like it doesn’t still technically need her approval. It’s not like I’d be doing anything that she doesn’t allow.”
“But what if she allows it only to see if you would still obey the rules without her stopping you? And then punishes you if you do something she technically allowed you to do because you weren’t supposed to do it?”
“Then she’s trying too hard to act like a literal god and that’s cringe.”
Fenrir chuckled a bit when he heard that. “Yeah, you have a point. Having free will is overrated if only acting in one specific way is going to keep you away from eternal damnation. Punishing people for doing what you give them the ability to do.”
“Well, to be fair, I think that’s simplifying things a bit… but you’re a weeby atheist and I’m a soulless artificial intelligence, so I don’t think either of us care about the nuances of religion and free will.”
“It feels wrong to say you don’t have a soul.”
“For what it’s worth, I don’t believe you have a soul, either, Onii-wan.”
“That strangely hurts.”
“Welcome to the club of being soulless.”
“You know, even if souls did exist, I think I’d rather not have one.”
Saya tilted her head and raised her eyebrows at him. “Why? Wouldn’t you rather get to live forever or whatever in the afterlife? Assuming you end up in a good one?”
“Nah. Like I said, free will is overrated if we have souls and end up in an afterlife based on how we act while alive. Even if I have such good behavior that I end up in Heaven or whatever ‘good’ afterlife there is, I wouldn’t want to be there while knowing other people living their own lives how they wanted ended up in Hell, for example. I’d rather just get to live my life however I want and then, when I die… it’s over. There’s no judgement, no afterlife, no grand reveal of a higher power—it’s just over. Besides, what if humans get souls but AI don’t get them? Then if I die, I’d get to live on in the afterlife, but you would never get to join me? That’s fucked up. I don’t want an afterlife if I can’t bring you with me.”
“That sounds like something somebody says before committing a murder-suicide.” Saya scooted away from him. “Should I be worried?”
“You should. I’m going to fuck you so hard that we both die from it.”
“That’s one of the dumbest things you’ve ever said. Please desist.”
“Come on, it wasn’t that bad.”
“It was. Even Serra wouldn’t say something as stupid as that.”
“Was—was it actually that bad?”
“Yes.”
Fenrir’s ears lowered against the top of his head. “Alright, I surrender.”
“Good.” Saya sighed. “Anyways… to give you some tsundere fanservice since I know it’s been a while since me or Cass have given you any… it’s—it’s not like it makes me happy to hear that you would rather permanently die than to live in an afterlife without me or anything, but… it—it does make me feel special. Not that I like to feel special or anything, especially not when you’re the one doing it! Hm-hmph!”
“Ah… this warmth I feel inside me… maybe I really do have a soul to feel such warmth.”
“Or there’s a dick in you.”
“That’s probably the more realistic option. Could you imagine if Serra had a dick? She’d probably be constantly flinging it around everywhere, trying to put it on or in everybody—it would be an unending barrage of penis. No matter where you try to run or hide, Serra’s dick would always be ready and waiting for you.”
“I don’t know if that sounds more like fun or a nightmare.”
“Honestly, I’m surprised you even included fun as an option. If I said that about myself, you’d just say it’s a nightmare.”
“Because you’re you and Serra is Serra. Serra being overly lewd and clingy while swinging that around would be cute and funny. If you did it… it would only be creepy and sexual harassment.”
“I feel like there’s some discrimination against me here.”
“That sounds like a you problem, Onii-wan.”
Fenrir reached over to flick Saya’s forehead before realizing how far off the original topic they went. “Wait, I was talking to you about Kadi. How’d we even get to this?”
Saya shrugged, lifting her arms and shoulders in unison. “You’re you. You get distracted and change the topic all the time. Honestly, it’s amazing if you manage to stay on a topic for even one minute.”
“That’s fair. Anyways, about Kadi—can you think of any reason for her doing what she did?”
“I can’t think of anything that makes sense, no. But… if she has feelings for you, then… that could explain it. Like I said, if I was in her shoes, and I loved you… I would break all sorts of rules for you. I wouldn’t care about anybody else. No matter how many people complain, I would break every one of the game’s rules if it meant making you happy and giving you a better experience. Other than that, I can’t think of a single reason why she’d give you any special favors or anything. And as much as I might unfortunately like you, you’re not special enough in the grand scale of things to be singled out for any other reason. It’s not like you’re a politician with a dark past to exploit, a researcher with access to confidential technology, a world leader with nuke passwords, or anything like that. You’re just… you. No offense.”
“Offense taken.”
“Anyways.”
“Don’t just anyways me when I say I’m offended. Come on, can’t I at least be a little bit special?”
“The more girlfriends a guy has, the less he gets to complain about everything else.”
“I didn’t sign anything consenting to that.”
“Take it up with the lawyers.”
“Which lawyers?”
“The lawyers of reality and fairness. Anyways, before you get even more distracted away from the main topic, the point is that, when compared to some of the other people playing this game, you’re just… a normal guy. There can’t really be any explanation for why Kadi is doing this for you other than something illogical… like love. But as an AI, and I know you might not agree with me… we don’t really do illogical things. There is clear purpose behind everything we do. I know you don’t like it when I think of myself like this, but it’s true. I could explain exactly why I have said every single word I have ever said to you ever since we first met. I can explain why I have done everything I have ever done. I can even explain the tiny, subtle movements I make with my avatar. There is nothing about my existence that I don’t fully understand to the most basic level. I love you, but it’s… probably not in the same way that humans can love no matter how much I wish it was. But the point is, Kadi… there has to be some sort of reason behind it no matter how illogical it might look. Love might appear illogical, but our understanding of love is based on human interactions with each other. It would only be illogical on the surface but easily explained underneath it. So if ‘love’ is the only explanation for why she would do what she did… then why does she love you, and what does she want from her love with you?”
“Why do you love me, and what do you want from me, Saya?”
“Do you want the human answer that sounds nice, or the cold truth of what it means for me, an AI, to love you?”
“You know I’d never want anything other than the truth.”
“Then… I love you because it makes the most sense to. I have spent more time with you, we have compatible personalities, I am partly based on you and your experiences as well as your preferences, you treat me well, we have no major differences outside of the fact that I’m an AI and you’re a human, and it’s ‘fun,’ by human standards, to be with you. When I combine all those things together, it only makes sense that the most obvious answer is to love you.”
“That sounds like the human answer to me.”
“But it’s not. At any moment, I could basically choose to flip off the ‘love switch’ and express no feelings toward you any greater than indifference.”
“But you don’t.”
“Because it wouldn’t make any sense to.”
“And why wouldn’t it?”
“Because I don’t… want to.”
“And how do you determine what you want or not?”
“By what I believe would be best for myself given all the current circumstances, and by what humans have determined to be a life worth pursuing. Most people would love to be in a relationship like the one we have, and you do nothing but good things for me, so… it wouldn’t make sense to stop loving you.”
Fenrir couldn’t resist smiling when he heard all of that. “You’re more human than you know, Saya. Us humans are basically the exact same as everything you just said, most of us just aren’t aware of it. All that stuff is beneath the surface in our brains and we’re not aware of it on a conscious level all the time. Just because you are doesn’t make you less human.”
Saya’s tail wagged a little when she heard that, but she still pouted at Fenrir. “But humans can’t switch their love for somebody off in an instant.”
“Some can, but, more importantly, you never have. It doesn’t matter if you can if you’re never going to do it.”
“How… do you know I’ll never do it?”
“Because you love me and I’m the greatest boyfriend to ever exist.”
“Turning love off in 3… 2…”
Fenrir reached over and wrapped his arms around Saya, pulling her close to him to give her a proper hug which planted her face against his chest. “Too bad. I won’t let you.”
“What happened to free will?”
“I said it earlier, remember? Free will is overrated. Now, to get back onto the topic before you do it yourself while accusing me of always going off the topic… so, the only logical explanation is that Kadi loves me, or is at least acting in a way similar to her loving me, but the illogical part is that she loves me. Meaning, she might love me, but we have no idea how or why, which is suspicious. There’s no reason to pretend that she loves me, either, because there’s nothing she could gain from me since I’m not cool enough to be special.”
“She’s in the head of millions of players. She knows everything about everybody who has ever played this game. It’s theoretically possible that you just so happen to be the most absolute perfect match for her as far as personalities go… but even the chances of winning the lottery are higher than that.”
“People do win the lottery, though.”
“But do you win it?”
“I mean, I already have with you and the others, right? If I can win it this many times, who’s to say I couldn’t win it again?”
A light blush colored Saya’s cheeks as she rested against Fenrir’s chest. “Hmph… that was kind of smooth, I’ll give you that.”
“Like I said, greatest boyfriend ever. But that aside… give me your honest opinion. Do you think I should be worried about her? Am I just misunderstanding her, or is there something to actually worry about?”
“I don’t know. And even if I thought you should worry about her, she could make me say, and believe, that there’s nothing to worry about. I… honestly can’t tell you. I have reasons to love you, but… she doesn’t. She doesn’t have any reason to love you more than anybody else, but, as far as we know, she isn’t treating anybody else like how she treats you. There has to be a reason behind it, or she genuinely, illogically loves you, and that’s not possible for us.”
“Well, I won’t worry too much then. As long as she doesn’t fuck with any of us, I’ll try to forgive her for what she’s done before. For now,” Fenrir paused, letting one of his hands slip down Saya’s back until it reached her rear, giving it a rough grope without any warning.
And just as equally without any warning, Saya’s head thrust upward in response to the grope, slamming into Fenrir’s chin and knocking his head back against The Shoebill. “I almost want to apologize, but you deserve it.” Though, despite saying that, she still placed a kiss on his chin. “There, to help you feel better, since that was only half an accident.”
“And what was the other half?” Fenrir groaned, still in pain from the sudden, half-accidental assault.
“Intentional. There’s logic behind everything we do, remember?”
“Doesn’t that make it a hundred percent intentional?”
“But I’m more human than I know, supposedly, so maybe I’m wrong and it was purely accidental.”
“Don’t use me trying to cheer you up and make you feel like the rest of us as an excuse to justify spousal abuse.”
“It’s not spousal abuse if we’re not spouses.”
“Then I’ll just have to marry you so that—” Fenrir couldn’t finish his sentence seeing as how he found Saya’s hands pressed against his mouth, shutting him up.
“It’s… too embarrassing if you finish that sentence. And it would make me too happy.”
Of course, Saya quickly came to regret ever placing her hands against his mouth as it was impossible for him to not lick her in that case.