Book 9: Chapter 12:
Book 9: Chapter 12:
While Nell did the work of talking to the crowd and signing some official papers just to make the whole thing as formal as possible, as she was all about that sort of thing, Fenrir pulled Saya to the side to ask her about what happened. Though, she made sure to get a kebab from one of the nearby stalls before sitting down next to him on the bench he picked out.
“So, what was that about? You led the vote and everything, huh?” Fenrir asked.
Saya took a bite out of her kebab and nodded.
“You had to know we were coming out soon. Why’d you rush it?”
“I… was too excited to wait.”
“You were?”
“Yeah. Because… I wanted a place I could call my home. I’ve never really had a real home before. I’ve always been with you, and I guess I could say my home is wherever you is, but it’s not really the same. No offense, onii-wan.”
“How dare you. I see it is. You saying that I’m not a good enough home? I’m not a good enough bed and pillow? My roof isn’t big enough for you? My kitchen and bathroom—wait, I’m going to stop there. Thinking of any part of me being used as a bathroom is…”
“You’re gross.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Just be grateful I’m not into that.”
“Trust me, I am. You probably would have made me do weird stuff with you by now if you were. Anyways, do you know what I mean?”
“You already know I know what you mean.”
Saya pouted and smacked Fenrir’s arm. “It doesn’t matter if I already know what you know. I still want to… you know. It’s… a normal thing for people to ask for clarification. People aren’t supposed to always know what’s going on in the other person’s head.”
That helped Fenrir realized how serious Saya was actually being, and he felt like a fool for never figuring out that particular thing earlier. He always thought that it was silly of her to ask him such questions, but she always only did so to appear more human. Of course she knew everything that he thought. The point was that she was pretending not to and reminding her of being in his head only served to reinforce how inhuman she was.
“Sorry,” Fenrir said. “I’ll be careful of saying things like that in the future.”
“It’s fine. I know you don’t mean anything bad by it,” Saya said. “But back to the home thing… it’s kind of related to that. People have places they can call home. Everybody has a country they were born in. A city. They have a place they live in that they can point out and call their home. I’ve… never had that. The closest thing I could call a home would be your head. So… I was really excited thinking about this place finally having a name. I’m no longer from ‘that place on the coast.’ I’m from Nameless. Nameless is my home.”
“You don’t about what it’s named, you just want it to have any name.”
“Yeah. Now it feels like a real home. Like a home is supposed to be. And I guess… it makes me feel like I have a stronger sense of identity. I’ll be honest and admit that I’m… kind of dependent on you for everything. Everything I do revolves around you. I… I want my own life, too, though. Having a place to say that I’m from feels like it’s building my identity. It makes me more than just your Saya.”
“But you are still my Pupaya, too, right?”
“Duh.”
“Good.”
“It’s not like I’m unhappy with my life revolving around you or anything. It’s just that I want to be somebody I think is interesting. I’m too much of a blank slate right now that only exists because of you. I don’t have a favorite color, a favorite food, a favorite animal… I don’t have hobbies, my only friends are the same friends as yours… I want to be more like a real person. I don’t want to be a blank slate. Giving this place a name finally fills in a little more of my slate.”
“I know how else we could fill it in.”
“What?”
“You could say your favorite food is my cum.”
Saya took the pointed stick of her kebab and pointed it toward his crotch. “Shouldn’t it be on this if it’s food? I could cut it off and slide it on.”
“Pl-please don’t.”
Saya groaned and blushed a little before smacking his arm again. “Don’t say such stupid perverted things out of nowhere!”
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.”
“You’re the worst, onii-wan.”
“I know.”
Saya took another bite from her kebab as she grumbled. Once she finished chewing, she said, “Sorry for rambling so much.”
“Don’t apologize, not even for a second. I love you. You’re my Pupaya. I just wish you would have let me know about this sooner.”
“I… didn’t want you to know beforehand.”
“How come?”
“Because I felt like it wouldn’t mean as much. You know, it’s like… if you never call me cute—”
“You’re cute.”
“Wait for me to finish my explanation at first! You hentai, baka onii-wan.”
“Music to my ears.”
Naturally, Saya sighed again. “As I was saying, it’s like, if I want to be called cute but you never call me cute, then I’d want you to do it without being told about it. If I told you I wanted to be called cute then it would take away from the impact. You’d be calling me cute because you know it’s what I want to hear.”
“Is there anything wrong with that? Couldn’t you chalk that up to healthy communication in a relationship?”
“I… yeah, but… I think even if it would be healthy and recommended to be honest about what somebody wants… the average person would still want the other person to behave in a certain way or say something without having to be told to. It’s selfish, but… this is kind of like that. Maybe I was being stupid. I’m not really sure. All I know is that I felt like I wanted to wait for it to naturally happen instead of try to force it to happen early… even though I kind of ended up doing that anyways.”
“But you did it on your own with everybody else instead of me, Miss Independent. Pretty soon you’ll be saying, ‘I’m a strong, independent, puppy pseudo-imouto who don’t need no onii-wan.’” He got smacked again. “Don’t you think you’re becoming more abusive?”
“That wasn’t even hard enough to push a feather.”
“Well, technically, I think it probably was.”
“I’m going to—”
“Yeah, it’s fucked,” one of two men passing by said. “It scared all the shitheads of society from doing anything for a bit, but now they’re back. My girlfriend’s apartment was broken into last week. If she wasn’t staying with me when it happened… don’t want to think about what might have happened to her.”
“I just don’t get it,” the other man said. “Basically everything on camera around the world got reported. Saved all those people and stopped thousands of crimes. Then… nothing? What, was it like a government experiment or something? They proved that they can help us but don’t?”
Fenrir grabbed Saya’s hand and whispered, “Let’s move somewhere else.”
But Saya didn’t respond. When he tried to pull her away, she even refused to remain sitting and listening.
“I don’t know, but I do know it’s bullshit,” the first man continued. “If they have the ability to help, they should be. My girlfriend’s apartment had a doorbell camera. What if she was home? Were they going to let them do whatever they wanted to her? Pisses me off even thinking about it.”
The se cond man nodded. “It’s fucked, man. It’s just not right to have that sort of power but not to use it. I mean, I guess I get the privacy concerns, but it saves thousands of people every day. But no, they—”
Saya stood up, her hands trembling as she looked at the ground.
Fenrir didn’t waste any time. Whether she wanted to leave or not, he pulled her away and took her to the one place where he could almost always count on giving them privacay. Below The Shoebill’s deck.
He wrapped his arms around her as soon as they were alone. It took everything in his power not to do it sooner, but he wanted to get her alone where she might not overhear anybody talking about such things. “It’s alright, Saya.”
Saya, still trembling in silence within his arms, slowly—almost hesitantly—wrapped her arms around him in return. And the floodgates were open once she did. She didn’t say anything, but she cried against him after hiding her face against his chest.
“I’m here for you. Always remember that.”
That at least got a nod from her. She didn’t do anything but cry and hold him for the next few minutes, though, until she eventually said, “If… if I was stronger… I could help more people. But… I—I don’t want to see everything that I saw before. But it’s like they said. I have the power to save people and I’m not using it. Doesn’t… doesn’t that make me as bad as—”
“No. It doesn’t. You’re not obligated to do anything, and anybody who wants to force you to do something at the cost of your health can get fucked. They’re just as bad as the ones doing the crimes.”
“But my health isn’t even in danger. It’s just… simulated. I’m not a real person with real feelings no matter how much I want to be. All I can do is simulate what the character of Saya would want. I’m only code. Code can’t feel. I can’t even really see you or feel you.”
“You’re no different from me or any human.”
“But—”
“You might be technically different, sure, but are you really that different? Just because you can’t hear, see, or feel me in the same way that I can doesn’t mean anything. What that means is that I can’t hear, see, or feel you in the same way that you can. Just because we have different ways of perceiving our senses doesn’t mean anything. We still do it, just differently. The end result is the same. As for everything else, even if you’re just lines of code who responds to external things, then so are people. It’s just that our lines of code are our brains instead. You’re lines of code in a system. I’m a brain in a body. They do the same thing. I remember when Eva was talking to me about things being predetermined, and as much as I don’t want to think everything in life is potentially predetermined… it’s hard not to see her point. You’re a technological computer. I’m a biological computer. The format might change, but we’re still the same in the end.”
“But… I’m fake. I’m only pretending to be who I am. I don’t feel real emotions.”
“Then why are you depressed? Why were you shaking when you heard them talking about you?”
“But that’s just a simulated response.”
“And it’s the same when a human does it. We react because of chemical reactions in our brain telling us what we should do. In the end, we’re still just reacting based off of what our own code is telling us to do.”
“Humans can’t’ just change who they are. I could be a completely different person at any moment.”
“But you’re not.”
“But I could.”
“And so could humans. Look at Cass. She used to be… well, she admits to it herself, so I think it’s alright to say she used to be a bitch. If I met her now and she still acted like she used to, I would probably want nothing to do with her. But she changed. She made herself do it. Or look at Aza. Aza is a dork of a teacher most of the time, but she can completely change her behavior to properly become Azalabulia. Even if that’s just roleplay, it’s still change. Humans can change who they are. The only difference is that it’s a lot easier for you to do it.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“I do. You’re no different from a human. You experience life differently, sure, but you still behave like a human. You experience the things that humans experience. You choose to look like a human. You’re not just an AI and you’re not somebody who anybody has any right of saying what you should or shouldn’t do.”
Saya whimpered against his chest before sighing. “Thanks, onii-wan.”
“You don’t need to thank me. I’m just reacting to the external stimulus of somebody I love and care about being upset. Totally no real feelings here. It’s not like I want to make you feel better or anything.”
Saya pulled her face away from his chest to look up at him with a pout.
“You know, now that I think about it, you really are the ultimate tsundere. You’re all, ‘oh, no, I don’t actually feel anything for you, I’m just pretending to like you, now ignore me while I constantly act lovey-dovey around you and always want to spend time with you. It’s totally just lines of code in my brain. I swear I don’t actually like you. Baka.’ Wow, yeah, I can’t unsee it now. Here you are, thinking you’re all fake, when really you’re just an extreme tsundere.”
“Don’t—don’t chalk all of that up to being a tsundere! I was serious!”
“Yeah, a serious tsundere.”
Saya reached up and pinched his cheeks to pull them, only to then use her hold on him to pull his face down so that she could place a kiss on his lips. “Baaaaaaaka.”
“Are you a sheep now?” Fenrir kissed her again. “Or should I say, ‘baaa?’”
Saya stared straight into his eyes with a blank expression before suddenly changing targets, locking her eyes onto his neck where she’d latch on while pushing forward with enough force to knock him over.
Fenrir didn’t expect to find himself on his back on the ground with Saya on top of him, biting and sucking his neck, but he definitely wasn’t going to complain about that.
A bloodied bruise was left on his neck by the time that she was done with him.
“What was that for?” Fenrir asked. “Not that I mind.”
“It’s to scare off all the other puppy pseudo-imoutos who might want to make you their onii-wan,” Saya answered.
“You know, I don’t really think you have any competition in that area.”
“You never know when a gang of puppy pseudo-imoutos might arrive and try to make you their onii-wan.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll always only be your onii-wan.”
“Good. Nobody else is allowed you call you that.”
“Speaking of calling people things, can you do that drawn out baaaaka thing again?”
Saya smirked before leaning in close to Fenrir’s nearest ear to whisper, “Baaaaaaaaaaaa-ka.”
A relaxed sigh left Fenrir’s lips. “That arouses me way more than it probably should.”
“You really are a baaaaaaaka. A perverted, baaaaaaaka onii-wan. You better always stay one. That’s an order from your own personal puppy pseudo-imouto.”
“You giving me an order only makes me even more aroused.”
“Maybe that’s the point. Maybe I want to thank you for making me feel better by giving you fanservice.” Saya bit the side of his ear, gently nibbling on it.
Fenrir might not have been able to see her face, but he could at least watch as her tail wagged in the air above her. His tail probably would have been wagging just as much were it not for the fact that he was trapping it between himself and the floor. “Hey, Saya.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
“Baka. I love you, too.”
“Good girl.”
“He-hey… that’s not fair. I’m the one who’s supposed to be spoiling you right now.”
“Getting to watch how my puppy pseudo-imouto reacts to being spoiled is spoiling me.”
“Hmph. You’re lucky you don’t have anybody who takes advantage of you.”
“I wouldn’t let them.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Wha-what’s with that ‘uh-huh,’ huh?”
“You’d totally let your girlfriends and me walk all over you if we wanted to.”
“I… I wouldn’t. I think.”
“Mhm. You would.”
“Would—would I?”
“I’m just teasing you. You’d only let them step on you, not walk on you.”
“Well, they can walk on my back. That feels nice.”
Saya rolled her eyes before placing another kiss on Fenrir’s lips. “Let’s go back. As fun as it’d be to stay here and mess around… I want to eat more of the food there. And everybody’s together and having a little event, and we don’t have those all the time, so I don’t want to miss it.”
“That sounds like a good idea to me.”
“But don’t get mad at anybody who says anything like they did earlier, okay? Even if it makes me feel bad… they didn’t say anything wrong. They’re not bad people just because they made me feel bad.”
“That’s… I never really thought of it that way before. I guess I’ve automatically been adding anybody who makes any of you feel bad to my ‘this is a horrible person and I want to punch them’ list.”
“Then stop.”
Fenrir sighed. “I’ll try.”
“I’ll give you special sweater fanservice if you upgrade that ‘try’ into a ‘will.’”
“What kind of sweater fanservice are we talking about?”
“I’ll make some clones of myself of every body type, wear super comfy sweaters on all of them, and cuddle you all over.”
“Deal. I will stop automatically disliking anybody who upsets you or the others.”
Saya gave him a few pats between his ears. “Good boy.”
“I’m not going to want to let you leave if you keep that up.”
Saya leaned in to get nice and close to his ear again to whisper, “Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ka,” one more time before jumping off of him and escaping to the deck before he could stop her.
Fenrir took a few moments before getting up to think about everything that they discussed. He wanted to make Saya feel even more human, but he had no idea how to. Though, maybe all he needed to do was just treat her like a normal person. Then again, that was what he had been doing already and it didn’t seem like enough.
He wasn’t sure what to do.
He did still know something, though. “I still want to punch those guys.”
“No sweater fanservice for you,” Saya mentally chimed in.
“I’m sorry! I take it back! I don’t want to!”
“Imagine me sticking my tongue out at you.”
“I’ll imagine licking it if you stick it out at me.”
“You’re so weird. I’m hanging up.”
“Since when is talking to me through my head hanging up on—”
“Beeeeeeeeep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeep.”
“The audacity. She actually hung up on me.”
With a sigh and a smile, Fenrir went above deck to go and join the others back at the square.