Chapter 85 - Why Did I Have To Survive For Everfell?
Chapter 85 – Why Did I Have To Survive For Everfell?
I was told that Hugo had to settle some matters. Hence, our plan to meet tonight was canceled. I stood outside the balcony, hands on the railings while letting the night breeze hit my face.
"Hugo is right," I whispered, staring at the darkness far ahead. "I am also changing."
I gazed up at the half-moon shining up above. When I first met Hugo, I usually kept my thoughts to myself. Before I open my mouth, I would think about it multiple times. I always thought if what I was going to say was necessary or not — a habit of mine that I picked up while growing up.
But now… I let my emotions speak and not my head. It felt strange. I didn't consider it as a bad habit to pick up. If anything, it felt refreshing in a way.
I grew up with the mentality that my words would change anything or help anyone. If it was unnecessary, I would just keep it to myself to save myself the trouble of meaningless conversation. Surprisingly enough, even though some of my conversations with his sisters were pointless, I found it enjoyable.
"Even so, I feel a bit frustrated Hugo had to go somewhere," I murmured along with a faint sigh. "Since when did I get frustrated over such trivial things?"
Mother and Father used to visit me, but there would be times I wouldn't see them for a week or a month. I was more understanding back then — obedient and satisfied with that sort of life. I didn't demand because I was already happy if I get to see Mother once a week or spend dinner with Father once a month. That was what I called frequent.
Maybe I was just used to spending all day and night with Hugo that I couldn't help but look for him. That getting to spend an hour with him was not enough anymore. Even when I spent more time with Ashton in the past didn't make me feel empty during his absence.
"Moon, I feel conflicted," I whispered, sadness flickering across my eyes. "I want to go home… this longing that is enveloping my heart is torturous."
The reply I received was the silent howl of the wind. I peeled my eyes away from the moon and gazed down at the empty garden.
"Please keep Hugo safe," I wished from the bottom of my heart, having this gut feeling that without my knowledge, Hugo would take a rough path to keep me safe. "What happened in Everfell… please don't let it happen to your people."
I stayed on the balcony for a long time before I returned to sleep. As I slipped under the blanket and stared at the ceiling, I let out a deep breath. I closed my eyes at the thought of wanting to see Hugo before I succumbed to the darkness.
As I entered a state of slumber, I was brought back to an old memory of the ten-year-old me.
I gritted my teeth at the sound of whips hitting the back of my thigh. I clasped my skirt, holding it up as I knew Mother would be angry if I let my skirt go.
"Rinnie, you understand why mother is punishing you, right?" she asked, walking from behind me before she squatted down in front of me. Mother had this incomprehensible smile, looking at me with desperate eyes.
I pressed my lips into a thin line. "Yes, Mother. Rinnie tried to go out, that is why she is punished." She smiled and nodded at my weak reply.
She stroke my hair and sighed. "My baby, Mother is just protecting you. People will try to take you away from us and harm you. You understand that Mother just wants to keep you safe, hmm?"
"Yes." I nodded while staring into her eyes. She wrapped me in her embrace as if she didn't whip me multiple times until my knees wobbled.
This wasn't the first time she disciplined me, but I made sure it was the last. It wasn't because her methods were harsh or it traumatized me. The reason I stopped attempting to sneak out was that… the look in her eyes scared me. My mother was a gentle person whom I loved sincerely.
I didn't want her to lose her composure every time she had to discipline me. I didn't want to look into her eyes and wonder where did my mother go.
In that almost forgotten memory of the past, I remembered standing there for as long as I could with my mother embracing me. I couldn't sit, as the lashes on the back of my thigh stung. It was as if… Mother tried to cripple me if she could. Now, it made me wonder… what if I stayed stubborn and didn't learn my lesson?
I wondered if I could still walk.
"This is all to keep you safe, my baby," she whispered in my ear. Those words she would always utter slowly grown strings that attached to my joints like a marionette that controlled my entire life.
"This… is all for you. So, always listen to Mother, alright?"
My eyes lowered, feeling the tremble in her embrace. "Yes, Mother. Rinnie will always listen to Mother from now on."
When I blinked, I was brought back to the night of the attack. Mother looked at me with the same fear and desperation in her eyes. She shoved my shoulder lightly.
"Survive," she said, and I remembered staring at her blankly. "My baby, you must… survive. I won't let them take you with them."
"Mother…" I whispered while staring at her, ignoring the noises outside the shut door.
Mother smiled as she cupped my face, staring at me as if she was etching my face deep in her head. A shallow breath slipped past her pale lips as her eyes softened.
She leaned closer and whispered into my ears. "Survive. Take the secret passage and run away. Don't ever stop or look back, my baby. Survive for me… for Everfell." I watched her draw her head back as she spun me on my shoulder so I could face the small and secret passage hidden behind the shelf.
"Go." She pushed me lightly while I looked back at her. "Survive, Rinnie. Mother will come to you later."
I bit my lower lip. I wanted to refuse her, but after living the life of following what Mother would say, I instinctively gritted my teeth and ran away. Leaving her behind with her words repeating in my head over and over and over.
Survive.
The word was akin to a curse that kept me moving without looking back. Survive… was the word that until now bound me.
Why did I have to survive for Everfell?