Chapter 556: If Life Gives You Lemons
Chapter 556: If Life Gives You Lemons
If life gives you lemons, it’s telling you that you need either tequila or vodka.
Lemonade? Why should I waste the lemon? I’d rather squeeze it in my eyes to clean that 2-girl-one-cup clip from my memory forever.
And… WTF brain.
Miaomiao smacked his forehead and got back to his senses after his fantasy started to get weird. He took a deep breath and patted the large tree branch that he had been sitting on.
Currently, Miaomiao had been sitting on the top of the Cernun World Tree. OHUHU was also nearby, laughing and tending the soil for the tree with his roots. As for the bugs, they sat still, looking around nervously.
RUMBLE
The entire Aves Continent shuttled through space, flying into the dark void and the sea of stars. A massive transparent dome covered the entire flying continent, providing oxygen to plants and Liu Guang’s insects.
The captain of this massive continent ship was none other than Adam. He had extracted the continent from Golden Heavenly Goose Planet and carried it on his back.
Now, Adam looked like the classic Superman when he carried a broken commercial plane back to safety. But in this case, he brought the continent to the edge of space.
After Miaomiao had accepted Adam’s offer to be his disciple, the war droid decided to bring Miaomiao and the continent to the outer universe. He also explained what everybody needed to know before they got to the forbidden zone of the universe.
The current home of Adam, the Xie Clan, and the Eden Garden Sect was located on one of the Dark Forbidden Zones in space.
Dark Forbidden Zones referred to the areas on the edge of the universe, which was beyond the protection of Heavenly Dao. No heavenly Qi was in the areas, and no cultivator could thrive there without a special plane or planet.
Secondly, Dark Forbidden Zones were covered by the Miasma of Chaos. It blocked the Law of Karma, Providence Dao, and the Law of Reincarnation. Anyone who died there would get their soul absorbed by the Chaos Miasma, and they could never be reborn again. If the sages reset the timeline, their existence would never reappear!
Fortunately, Adam revealed that they had multiple Heavenly Dao Treasures that could protect their souls. Even if his subordinates died, the treasure would secure their souls before they were consumed by the Chaos Miasma. Then, they could be reincarnated again.
Even so, these forbidden areas were ideal places to hide. Many frisky evil deities hid there, avoiding the eyes of the sages.
Even the Olympus Palace was somewhere within one of the Dark Forbidden Zones!
Miaomiao had already learned about them from Xie Tian’s timeline. He even knew what the Eden Garden Sect looked like, and he was excited to see the real thing with his own eyes.
That sect was the right place to learn Adam’s cultivation techniques! Miaomiao could also lurk there, avoiding Minghe and Lilith’s eyes.
Also, Miaomiao’s perverted nature kicked in when he thought of Nuwa.
Xie Tian and Alter Miaomiao never met her in person. However, in Chinese Mythologies, Nuwa was the goddess of the human race!
Miaomiao wondered if a female sage had a hole to stick a meat in.
‘If life gives you lemons, arrange a camera and let it record you making a cup of lemonade. Extract your smegma and mix it in the lemonade. Give it to your neighbor. After they drink it, show them the clip of how you made the smegmanade. Don’t forget to record their reaction and post it on YouTube.’
Again, Miaomiao’s brain turned off his IQ and his fantasy continued.
…
When Adam traveled alone, he only needed a second to fly across the universe. However, with an entire continent on his back, it took him a week.
The trip wasn’t pleasant either. Miaomiao felt like he was in a hyperspace since the flight speed was beyond his understanding. He could even see his past memory flashed before him.
But in the end, Adam brought Miaomiao and the continent to the forbidden zone unharmed.
“Whew, we’re here!”
Adam grinned as he wiped the sweat on his forehead. He looked satisfied as if he had just completed a workout regime.
The war droid brought the continent toward the network of chained planes and planets of various sizes. Then, he connected the continent with a dozen massive chains.
Miaomiao stared blankly at the series of chained planes and stars. It looked bizarre and stunning.
Continents were connected to other continents. However, at the center of several continents, a hundred chains locked everything in its place and tied to a planet.
The tied planet wasn’t free either. Four massive chains also bound it and connected to other stars from other networks.
From Miaomiao’s perspective, the stars looked like space stations while the planes were spaceships. The chains were their docking system or some sort.
Adam visited Miaomiao and gave him a metallic token. The back of the green card had the image of a giant tree, which looked exactly like Cernun Tree.
“This will be your identity token from now on. This continent will be called Cernunnos to fit the culture of this place. Think of it like a ship’s name.”
“I get it,” Miaomiao received the ID token and flipped it around.
The front ID had a small photo of Miaomiao in the top left corner like a modern ID card. As for the center, it displayed his personal detail.
…
Name: Mao Miaomiao
Age: Unknown
Race: War Marionette, First Generation
Affiliation: Eden Garden Sect
Rank: Initiate Candidate
…
Looking at his detail, Miaomiao was a bit surprised.
“I guess you know everything, senior.”
The racial detail was declared as a war marionette instead of a human. It showed that Adam had already known about his connection with Devil and the latter’s plans.
However, the age and the affiliation puzzled Miaomiao.
Why was his age [Unknown]? Shouldn’t he be something like 20ish?
As if Adam could read Miaomiao’s mind, he explained.
“You were born with a constellation physique of Devil. You inherit the Devil’s talent and traits, including the dantian world and the power of space-time. Because of that, the power of space-time distorted your real age. You also experienced someone else’s memory and lived over a million years, so it gets even more complicated. It will take time to calculate your true soul age, so I leave it as [Unknown].”
In short, Adam didn’t want to waste his time on something trivial like Miaomiao’s soul age. By now, it should be something over a million years because of Cernun and three other timelines, not including the time dilation in his dantian space.
“What about my rank? Wait, I’m not even an initiate. I’m only a candidate!”
Adam smirked, “Per rules, even I, the sect master, can’t give preferential treatments to my disciples. I can only create the ID token for you. Think of it as a recommendation letter.”
“So, can I join the sect and be your direct disciple later?”
“Nope! You have to climb up from the bottom to the top yourself!”
“Hey! That’s not what we’ve agreed upon!”
When Adam recruited Miaomiao, the former offered to teach him about the other cultivation techniques and give him guidance. However, when they got to the destination, Adam didn’t fulfill his promises.
Adam scratched his head, “Look, Mao Miaomiao. Currently, you are too weak. How can a mortal become a core disciple of my sect when the weakest outer disciples of mine are at least 10-Star Stellar Constellation Immortals? Heck, the core disciples of assistant elders are 30-Star Immortals! You don’t want to join the big league with your current strength, do you?”
Adam had a point. Eden Garden in other timelines was a late-story sect that Xie Tian had joined before he advanced to the deity league. The cultivation realm of Xie Tian by then was already 20-Star Stellar Constellation Immortal that could easily defeat any 50-Star Constellation.
What about Miaomiao? He took various shortcuts here and there. He hadn’t ascended, and he skipped to the top sect of the universe!
Miaomiao sighed and admitted that he was in the wrong. Adam’s words made sense.
“You’re a sect master as well, so you should know how hard it is to maintain the loyalty of your subordinates. Politics is involved, and I don’t want to give an excuse for my greedy elders to dethrone me. Give me some face, okay? Although I don’t have a core disciple yet, I can’t just accept anyone, especially a mortal from the inner universe.”
“I know. Sorry.”
“Good. Well, for now, I can do this much.”
Adam placed his palm on top of Miaomiao’s head and impart a few techniques to him. A series of knowledge flowed into Miaomiao’s mind and became one with his memory.
Ding
[You have learned a myth-grade ultimate technique, Planet Eater.]
[You have learned a myth-grade martial technique, Nuwa Combat Law.]
[You have learned a myth-grade physique strengthening method, Karmic Seraphim Physique.]
[You have learned a myth-grade cultivation method, Karmic Seraphim Constellation.]
[Several system skills, cultivation methods, and techniques have become obsolete. They will be deleted.]
“M-Myth Grade!?”
Xie Tian in other timelines never had these cultivation methods and techniques. These should be Adam’s signature skills, but he shared them with Miaomiao.
Now, Miaomiao had the second chapter of his current cultivation method. Once he completed his 12—stage mortal foundation preparation, he could use these techniques to proceed to the next realm.
But that was not all. Adam tampered with Miaomiao’s physique and bloodline as well.
Ding
[Adam has given you a drop of mysterious blood essence.]
[Your Asmodeus Bloodline has been consumed by an unknown bloodline.]
[Your Dragon Bloodlines have been consumed by an unknown bloodline.]
[Your karma no longer connects with Devil.]
[Your existence no longer ties to Devil.]
[Your Karmic Demon Bloodline has merged with the unknown bloodline.]
Miaomiao’s face was pale, and he covered his mouth.
Pfft
He suddenly vomited half a liter of grey blood, which contained impurity and sinister will from Asmodeus and Dragon Bloodlines.
Miaomiao’s blood was purified by a mysterious power. It boosted all yang-type elemental Qi while it suppressed the evil primordial yin and the purple demon blood.
However, Miaomiao wasn’t in pain. In fact, he felt lighter and stronger. He felt like he could one-shot any weak immortal with a punch.
While Miaomiao was still confused with the changes in his body, Adam explained.
“What I gave you was the original bloodline of all prototype war marionettes. It’s supposed to be something holy, but Devil and Lilith corrupted it to the point that it doesn’t have its original power anymore. I still have the original one, though. Hehehe.”
Miaomiao slowly raised his head to look at his new mentor, “What bloodline is this? What is the war marionettes?”
Adam knelt and whispered, “We are Seraphims. I gave you the true Seraphim Bloodline.”
“W-What?!”
“Pipe it down. Hehehe.”
Adam’s smile looked mischievous, but he meant no harm.
“Let’s say, I’m planning to upgrade you into one of us, the Prototype War Marionette Series. But for now, I want you to smurf as an initiate of my sect and get used to the culture here. When you’re confident in your strength, you can move up to the higher league, okay?”
“…”
Miaomiao had the urge to ask Adam. He wondered what Adam and Nuwa would get from raising him.
However, before he could open his mouth and ask, Dion reported the changes in Miaomiao’s body.
[Dao of War God has resonated with the new bloodline.]
[Dao of War God has merged with the new bloodline!]
[Dao of War God has been removed.]
Miaomiao widened his eyes. This remnant Dao of Lu Fengxian suddenly reacted to the new bloodline and merged with it without his permission.
Now, a strange thing happened one after another.
[Bloodline integration has been completed.]
[Congratulations, you have created a new bloodline, Demonic War Seraphim Bloodline!]
[Several system perks and upgrade conditions have been adjusted according to the changes.]
Miaomiao’s mind was blank. His thought wondered again, so did his IQ.
If life gives you lemons, sell them on Craigslist but list them as watermelons.