Chapter 128 - Her Painful Thoughts
Seren continued to look outside. Since they left through the main gates, the carriage was now passing through the streets where ordinary people gather. Outside the carriage, she could see everyone clearing the way for the royal carriage to let it pass without any disturbances. On the sides of the street, the crowd stood with their heads lowered to show respect.
Seren said in a low and melancholic voice, "These people are bowing to the carriage at this moment thinking royals must be inside. If they know it's a witch, will they even bow?"
Hearing the sorrow in her voice, Cian felt as if his chest had been slashed with a sword. 'How badly have people treated Seren for her to have such thoughts?'
"Are you not a princess and I a prince? We are direct descendants of the King of Abetha. We are both true royals." He swallowed the pain, knowing that it was her who needed comfort the most. "And I don't see any witch here, and neither have I come across anyone ever."
A painful smile painted on her lips as she heard her brother. She knew he never considered her what others always called her, but one person's opinion couldn't change the thinking of the public.
She gave a helpless laugh as she continued to stare at the outside world. "Sometimes, I wonder what it is like to live like a normal person. I am not even asking to be served and pampered like a princess. I just want to be able to experience how an ordinary person lives. What if His Majesty had allowed me to live normally like this instead of locking me inside my tower? I know he said it's to protect me but… he could have made it happen. Why not allow me to at least spend time with family or other children my age? Why not let me at least go around the royal palace, to be escorted by his strongest knights? If the people he's protecting me from are inside the palace, why not let me live under a false name in another city or town or village where I can freely roam around?
"Keeping me locked up in the tower only added to what others thought. His Majesty himself wants everyone to believe that I am a witch and they should stay away from me. His Majesty even ignores me on the rare times I attend the banquets. We never even had a chance to chat with each other like we do, Brother. I do not know my mother. I don't even know who and what I am. If not for this human emotional feel, this sadness and anger, and disappointment, I would have believed I am not human either....that I am indeed a witch...or some kind of monster."
Each of her words was hurting herself as well as Cian, but he felt equal relief upon knowing that she trusted him enough to open up, that she honestly said her thoughts instead of keeping them inside.
Cian let out a shaky breath. "Even I don't know why Father has done things this way,but one thing I am sure of is that he loves you as much as he loves his other children."
Seren scoffed, internally laughing at the absurdity of the idea. "I wish it was the truth. Though he never loved me, as his daughter, I still wish for him to show a bit of affection for me. I want him to treat me like his other daughters but he never even smiled at me," she said and looked at her brother, "I don't have a single memory of His Majesty looking at me with the affection of a father."
"He doesn't show it but he cares. When you were sick... no even before that. For years, he had fought for you against the entire royal court. I have witnessed it all."
She let out a lifeless chuckle, not believing him a bit. "I would not have minded being locked up if he had truly loved me as you've said. If he had just shown me what he felt, my days would have been less lonely."
"I know you find it hard to believe me since he is never one to show his true feelings openly. There must be things we misunderstand since we do not know the whole story. You have never seen how angry Father was whenever the people in the royal court slander you, and you have never seen his despair when we found you unconscious that night." Cian then recalled some of his early conversations with King Armen. "I remember, when I was young, I asked him about your veil. Being a father, not even able to see his daughter's face even once, it was one of the rare times I saw Father sad. Even now, I cannot forget his expression. He doesn't even know what his daughter looks like. Isn't that a punishment for him as well?"
"Why would he want to see the face of a cursed daughter?"
"Seren, I haven't seen your face either, and he strictly asked me not to. I believe his words that it is to protect you so I never dared to ask your veil to be taken off. He must have his reasons, only we do not know what they are."
Regardless if she agreed or not, Seren no longer said anything, preferring to remain silent. This was also sad for her to hear as she didn't even have clear memories of her own face. She rarely used a mirror, and it was even rarer for Martha to take the veil off from her face.
Her face half-covered with a veil dominated her memories more than her face without it.
The carriage kept moving smoothly along the streets as houses and buildings flashed by them like a blur before it turned towards the direction of the river. Since Seren was silent, Cian didn't disturb her. He could see she didn't want to talk anymore so he could only internally sigh, wishing that the visit by the river would be enough to lift her mood.