Chapter 160 - Tell Me Who I Am
Chapter 160 – Tell Me Who I Am
It took me the whole morning to sweep the snow in the garden. Not that there was that much snow to work on, but my mind was drifting so frequently that I ended up sweeping the same area over and over again without realizing it. By the third time I found myself wasting time on the same porch steps, I sighed and cursed a little at my terrible inefficiency.
Nevertheless, I appreciated the opportunity to get distracted by thinking. My life had been upside-down ever since Bai Ye left on his retreat. From the shock and denial at first, to the heartache that followed, to the struggles to get my spirits back and face reality the way it was, I had been too overwhelmed and too busy to sit down and think everything through. Perhaps part of it was also because of fear—I was afraid that the more I found out about the truth behind the past five years, the more I'd realize that everything I held dear in my heart was a lie. But now, with a boring broom in my hands and Su Nian's smug comments echoing in my ears, I suddenly started to see things in a different light.
When I looked into that crystal orb, I had been too affected by the hate and hurt I felt upon the girl's death, and I simply believed every word she said without doubt. I believed that Bai Ye was using her as a means to gain power, and I assumed naturally that history was repeating itself on me. Bai Ye didn't deny it either … But thinking carefully through everything from my past to present self, it didn't make sense.
Everyone knew the dark power of demonic swords. Even though the Gatekeeper had buried the past havoc wreaked by Twin Stars, he and Teng Yuan clearly remembered every detail of it, and they wouldn't have tolerated Bai Ye risking such an act again. But neither of them tried that hard to object when they found out he had given me these swords. They didn't seem to judge him all that harshly for it either. In fact, the way they looked at him every time Twin Stars was mentioned always seemed more sympathetic than disapproving.
Besides, I was the one that kept begging Bai Ye for methods to accelerate my progress with swords. He had always wanted me to follow the path of medicine instead, and he wouldn't have even given me Twin Stars if not for my persistence. If he wanted something out of it, he didn't need to go through so much effort to pretend otherwise.
I stared at the already snow-free path I was still sweeping back and forth. For the first time in over a month, I had a feeling that the truth may not be what I thought it was. If Bai Ye had loved that girl as much as Su Nian said, then there must be more to all of this. At the very least, there must be a reason why he chose to tell me about my past death in such a dramatic way, at such a time so that I had to wait years for an explanation.
I didn't know if I should feel relieved or anxious about this new discovery, but instinct told me that I shouldn't do what he wanted me to do this time. He wanted me to wait, but somehow, I knew I would regret it if I did. Dropping the broom and dusting my robe, I strode out of the garden.
~ ~
The main peak was lively when I arrived, a stark contrast to the empty hall I had gotten used to over the past month. Groups of disciples were chatting and laughing while clearing the footpaths, while packs of younger ones were busy throwing snowballs at each other. I dodged all the exuberance carefully, smiling my greetings as I picked my way towards Xie Lun's hall.
"Senior Yun!" Qi Lian was the first to see me as usual, running up to the doorway in surprise. "Are you looking for Senior Xie?"
I halted over the threshold. Qi Lian's greetings always started with how long I hadn't visited, how much things had changed … It was strange to see him starting a conversation so abruptly, and with a strange topic at that. "I'm not looking for him," I replied. "Why? Is he alright?"
Qi Lian blinked, and a few other disciples around us darted probing gazes at me in unison. "Oh, i-it's nothing," Qi Lian smiled quickly. "It's just that he happens to be out today … But the rest of us are all happy to see you after such a long time, of course. Would you like some tea?"
His reaction was a bit unusual, but I was too occupied with other thoughts to care at the moment. "I'm looking for your master," I said straightforwardly. "If he is around, could you help me pass a word that I'd like to speak with him? It shouldn't take long."
I expected Qi Lian to give me a puzzled look, as it wasn't a common request to speak to someone else's master, but instead, his face lit up with a grin that had "I knew it" written all over. "Master is in the library," he said almost hastily, "I'll tell him right away."
The puzzled look ended up on my own face, and I watched Qi Lian scurry over to the back of the hall. Shaking my head cluelessly, I ignored his strangeness and concentrated on the reason why I was here, waiting patiently until he scurried back into the front lobby and led me into a side chamber of their library.
Teng Yuan was leaning in a chair with a book in his lap. After bowing our entrance, Qi Lian backed out of the room and closed the door, leaving only Teng Yuan and me. "I heard you came to speak with me," Teng Yuan closed the book and said. "Bai Ye had mentioned before that you might come with questions on his sword techniques."
I took a deep breath. "I came with a question indeed, Master Teng Yuan, but not on sword techniques." Dropping to my knees, I greeted him again formally with the most ceremonious prostration.. "I implore you … to tell me who I am."