107 Cold shower
Ai immediately woke up as soon as the living room was dimly lit with the early morning sunshine. She softly yawned and noticed a sort of roof on her head. Her eyes rapidly blinked, and reality dawned upon her.
With a heart that threatened to break out of her chest, she found herself enveloped in Jun’s arms. His handsome face was so close to her that she could see his long eyelashes and hear his soft breathing.
Last night’s events flooded in her mind. Her eyes widened in response, making her question her sanity. They had made out in this very swing. Even if Jun initiated it, Ai hadn’t stopped him.
She touched her chest, trying to calm her uneven and panicky breaths.
Why did I not stop him…?
After Yating’s betrayal in her past life, she had resolved to keep distance with these emotions. She had sworn not to get too close with anyone like that again. She promised herself to dedicate her life to only writing and achieving a good career.
Her only goal behind observing Jun was to get inspiration which she lacked. It indeed helped her a lot as she felt she learnt more being in his company. But at the same time, it was also dragging her into a world which she didn’t want to visit anymore.
Jun was a good man. But her heart was too battered to accept a new love in her life.
Ai wiped her forehead, breathing hard. Her heart throbbed with desire last night, but now it only thumped with fear. For now, she only wanted to leave and clear her head.
I cannot…For Jun I cannot…
She straightened up but was unable to do so. Jun’s long and muscular arm didn’t leave any space for her to move. At the same time, his breaths that were gently fanning on her neck made her only grow more restless.
She held his hand and slowly moved it away without waking him up. It worked. Relieved, she silently shifted forward to get down, but there was a new challenge in front of her.
She looked down, and the floor immediately seemed to spin. She then realized it wasn’t the floor but herself.
The swing was at a considerable height from the ground level and with the fear of heights that plagued her, she was at a loss. She tried to put a foot down but would instantly pull it back, afraid of falling. She tried that a few times with no result.
All this shifting and rustling woke up Jun from his sleep too. As he blinked his eyes, he found Ai desperately trying to get down but to no avail. Her back was facing him, so she couldn’t witness the horror his expression exhibited. He got up with a sharp jolt, startling Ai.
Jun blankly stared ahead with an empty gaze. There was a long stretch of silence between them which neither of them could breach.
Without saying a word, Jun swiftly climbed down the swing. Ai parted her lips seeing him leave, wondering whether to ask him for help. Instead, he saved her the trouble as he turned back a moment later. He bent towards her, stopping her breath in her throat. He easily scooped her in his arms, lifting her off the swing.
Ai widened her eyes, feeling herself in his embrace once again and caught into his neck. She felt his gaze at her, and she lowered her own instinctively recalling last night.
Jun slowly put her down until her feet touched the floor. His hand caressed along her back as he parted away. Even that miniscule moment of touch was enough to make her tremble.
He moved his jaw in an attempt to say something. Anything. But words failed him. He clenched and unclenched his fist. There was a need for a conversation here. But how could he start it when his own thoughts were so badly muddled up?
Ai quickly bowed. “Th-thank you.”
Saying the only word which could escape her lips, she rushed inside her room and shut the door.
—
Jun turned on the shower. Cold water rained upon him from head to toe. The winter was still present to spread its chilliness outside, but Jun didn’t care about the freezing cold water drizzling down on him. His clothes got soaking wet. The water drops pitter pattered on the tiles.
He took a long, silent breath as he combed his wet palms over his face and across his hair. He dug his teeth harder in his lip until it started to bleed.
The memories of last night flared inside his mind. The dance, the intimacy inside the swing…it was if somebody had possessed him.
Baffled at his actions, he only laughed.
“Impossible. That couldn’t be me,” his laughter grew louder and crazier. “Ah, Liu Jun…you cannot be that stupid to repeat the mistake which ended your last life in a tragedy…What went wrong with me?”
He stared towards the ceiling and snickered in disdain for himself. “How could I possibly touch her like that? How can I…”
How did I get a…
He shuddered to complete the sentence.
A physical reaction towards Ai or any woman for that matter other than Shui was not a thing he could digest so easily.
“I broke up with Shui, so what? That doesn’t mean somebody else can…”
But he contradicted himself yet again. Ai’s mellow scent, her soft neck, the trace of her clavicles and the press of her pink lips on his – as all these sensations invaded him, he felt that flush of the familiar fever racing in his body and awakening his desires once again.
He gasped, feeling uncomfortable with an intense urge to pleasure himself. But thinking sexually about Ai shook him to his core.
The freezing shower provided some relief, but it wasn’t enough. It became unbearable to the point that he saw Ai’s apparition in front of him.
Jun raised his hand in a stupor trying to touch her. His thumb traced her lower lip in a daze. His gaze clouded, and he breathed harder. What was a dream or what was reality – he couldn’t distinguish anymore.
Yet only one name escaped his lips.
“Ai…Ai…”